quench.

the cup had always been half drained to me,never enough to quench my thirst but you taught me to see the glass half full. i started to see things positively, the fingerprinted glass was still crystal clear, the lip stained rim seemed to be a tasteful touch, but a grain of doubt float upon the half drunken water that still didn't reach the top. my mouth watered for more evidence of any left liquid to sooth my dry mouth, but i couldn't  seem to find anything worth pouring. I'd stare at the glass, wondering if the poison was worth drinking, the lies, the sleepless nights and countless tears, but all i did was stare. I couldn't grasp the glass, feel the cold toxic water flush me of my independence, my determination to make something of myself. I could become parch but what difference would that really make i was already thirsting for the true substance of the liquid that formed to the very shape of a meaning cup. What was it that floated upon the edge,something black hovering over the tasteless beverage that i felt i needed. Why did i doubt the cleanliness? why would i doubt the quality of something so simple, so taken for granted in other places? my hand stretched in front of me and my fingers wrapped around the glass dragging it across the table creating a sinful sound of "ahh" with the two gulps i felt refreshed, slamming the glass back to the table and again staring. I wanted more, and the black floaty still stuck to the side of the cup was staring back at me in the face. Despite the poison,despite the doubting i still gave into my weakness without trusting it, without really even wanting it i gave in because i thought i needed it but what i really needed was to realize if i thought of it id only would seem to want it more, to quench my thirst, to quench my sorrows, to hold me and sooth me to wet the tongue that has fed lies, and rolled off the words i love you plenty of times, but this poisoned tongue now burned of lies and distrust. I didn't needed it, but telling myself i did only made it my weakness.

time.

behind my eyelids lies a mirror,reflecting myself in my eyes,
the way no one can see me.
the way one day i will be,but time takes patience
and progress takes time.
behind these eyes no one knows the me i know.
lavander thickens the air around me
and velvet kisses are exchanged
casual conversations feed knowledge to my brain
inspired by the smallest things, with the shortest attention spand.
i stand, disecting the world searching the different means for things.
emotional, at times i admit i can become distraught,
but to me nothing is better than a little hunger for thought.
curious, and i know i may be a child at heart,but not childish.. not childish.
live a bit, love a lot with an open heart i pretend i see the light through the dark.
and my past will not hold me back i will not let it write me by my future
i refuse to let a little fear stop me from going further.
occassionaly i still hear the train, wanting to bring my half packed bag
but i know when the time comes, i wont need to come back.
with a bandana wrapped around my head, with my sack of belongings
with my head high a strong heart and a pocket of dreams,
i can run, i can swim, i can walk, i will smile
i know this little girl inside has been waiting,patiently.
she will show the world, she will succeed
i smile at the thought of  the introduction of the world and me.

opportunity within a dream.

"She has dreamt of a love so pure, that the leaves upon the trees would cringe with the thought of within.
&she has strived to find that imperfectly perfect person to bring her these leaves and set them around her feet with the intentions of loving more than he speaks. To love and to be loved, to cherish and to hold only on night she may find herself scared to be alone, she dreams and she follows them until she has loved you with all of the love that exist inside of her."

this is no fairy tale of a love so pure, of a prince slaying a beast
but in their own world, inside their beautiful minds it can be whatever they need it to be..

He had always caught her eye,and her attention span had always been thin
but what she didn't know is that without loving herself, and accepting her past
she would only have energy to love the idea of loving him.
She would pucker up her lips, and rest her hand on her hips
as he'd glide through the room so suave.
She'd find herself replacing her current lover with his face under covers
because he gave off an energy she wanted to love.
time passed as she fought off her demons and he moved towards his dreams far away
without seeing his face,hearing his voice, she replaced him with goals to find her true self one day.
she laughed,she smiled,she cried,she prayed but her ways and fantasies still cluttered her brain
he lived,he journeyed,he'd dream of her smile, but found himself falling in love with his space.
searching for reason,seeking her truth she'd show off her "perfect" ways
he found himself captured by her "imperfect" words and he took ignition and he prayed.
by august they'd found themselves intertwined within each others mind laying under the lit skies that they still remember today, as he found his perfect lover and she dreamt of no other while tangled under covers with her perfect escape.
her friends would questions her love for him, this perfect stranger that she had placed in her heart.
they seen the light around them,the hard times they conquered but they couldn't see them love in the dark.
the tunnels they traveled, the blind spots the ceased, the goals they had always set for themselves
now grew to one another, they fed off each other and planned a secret plan in itself.
only they knew what they're love could take, what they're hopes could break, how far they were willing to go
they had each other, she still dreamt of no other, but she didn't see him falling alone.
she thinks back to the days they played in the hot sand along the beaches that washed they're pasts,
pictures still fading,memories were taken but she had always had these plans that they'd planned.
her immortal lovers days were almost over,but she kept beside him and loved him with all that she ever had,
until she had no more.
he loved her, but he couldn't remember who he  had been before.
losing himself was harder for him than losing him had ever been for her.
but she loved him until she could love no more.
until she had no love left where it was stored.
losing herself in this mixture of thoughts and doubting they'd make it brought her down some more,
she tried and she cried and she tossed while he turned but he came back to get her because he needed her support.
nothing and no one would ever understand the love that they stored within
no fairytale books, no queens and old folks had heard of a love that made the trees leaves cringe..
but they made they're plans written in stone.
they had no intentions of ceasing them alone.
they loved and they fought and needed no ones support for each other love was enough
they live inside of me, and inside of the man i still see beside me each night i'm alone.
with no ones help, with no ones approval, with no one standing here to my defense,
he loves me as imperfectly as i know that he possibly can,
and that's enough to cease these dreams that we'd planned.

your love makes me feel/music (written to lights please by sosincereproductions)

:19

you are all i see

your love got me feeling like..

got me feeling like

chorus:27-----

one loop.

-promise,you will love me

loops out.

i never thought i would feel so right

you got me up all hours of the night

your hands,your lips,your touchin on my thighs

i hope this feeling isnt just in my mind

now i know you are all i need

you're touch got me feeling like

chorus at 1:15

one loop--

promise you'll never leave.

loops out.

inseperable, i love our late night talks

and they aint gotta know bout our late night walks

swear to keep your secrets locked in this box

cross my heart, i want no one besides my love

you are the better part of me

you're heart got mine feeling like

got mine feeling..

one loop--

my baby,always with me

loops out..

my baby--fade

now i know its only you that i need

youre touch,your love, your heart sets mine free

and i promise baby that i will never leave

i will never leave

you still got me feeling like

my baby---

live free/song/music (written to vast entity by sosincereproductions)

:15
memories come back as i walk down this street
gazing to that park yeah not much has changed
i can just see us swinging high on those swings
i never remember feeling more free

:39
now look us tripping over love,drugs,and money
it really makes you smile,damn aint life funny?

chorus at :48
we had no worries now were worried bout this dose
of political junkies,dolla bills and smokes
got the wrong priorities ,we forget to breathe
am i the only one who really sees these things?

1:07
that one time i fell from those monkey bars it left a nice scar
but what hurts worse a scab or not seeing who you are?
running through the fire hydrant,double dutch in the street..
now all we count are these days,these nights and money.

1:27
what ever happened to living life with no regrets?
ever since our cerfew has changed so have our problems.

chorus at 1:36

we had no worries now were worried bout this dose
of political junkies,dolla bills and smokes
got the wrong priorities we're forgetting to breathe
slow down and think about it, let yourself see..

2:04
walking down this street,see my name carved in the tree
think back to the days when life was really free

2:34
chorus2x
dont you wanna live free?
fade out

ambitiouslove.

there are not many words to use for a description of this flame that burns within my chest
only tears.
happy and sad.
but from this i will grow strong, my heart will beat hard and i will conquer each goal ive stored in me.
Noone recognizes this me, the one who has finally spoken to herself.
the one that finds her flaws and believes they make her beautiful.
the girl who has suddenly intimidated each girl in this room because she carries herself like the women they wish they could be.
the woman that she is growing to be.
remember when you fell in love with her potential?
how you were so charmed by her ambition?
the way your stomach felt after making love to each intelectual thought within her brain..?
i do.
she remembers you told her to follow her dreams, and she has.
she's fell in love, with you, with herself, with the idea of love she has fallen in love with life
and the opportunities she has crossed she has fallen in love,finally.
really in love.
she speaks of ideas, the ones trapped in her mind, the ideas she wishes to bring alive
and she loves them,the idea of them being shared.
she loves the fact that the you she still loves actually cares.
and she cares.
maybe too much but she doesn't fear to keep her love.
i love you, and this healing ive taught myself.
you have taught me many things, but have showed me its okay to be imperfectly me
beautiful me.
i am beautiful, i am an artist, i will paint these smiles permanent.
i can draw my eyes to shine brighter than all of new yorks city lights,but i will stick to the blueprints.
i can erase with my pencil each line out of place, but i would only be ruining an already flawless face.
i can shade around the hips and thighs, but until i close my eyes i see that i am quite alright with who it is that lies inside.
but the artist is a writer and she writes words around her pictures, she models for her love scripture
but she knows never to give up.
she uses useless words to add some flare, with a story that will leave you froze.
biological readings make you think there is a part of her you could actually know.
keep reading there is much you dont
i remember you fell in love with this ambitious girl,
but please always love ambitious me.

bluntness of love.

circle by circle like the rounds of life,
we'll catch up each day but stay up all night.
a universal emotion that now one person found,
some too ignorant to communicate with it.
few search high,seeking far beyond their reach
while a friend sits close waiting to speak.
"oh i'll pick up on this today, all the new turns i never took,
i'll pretent in front of him that im content with these looks."
while taking stage and feeling on the character we play
we are merely breaking knees in front of love itself.
while hes out i wont call i'll pull 'till he falls, atleast than i can show i'd catch him.
to reassure you want more beyond this point we have crossed would only beto ask for too much.
so we'll keep to ourselves because we're here everyday and you're thinking the same thought in my brain..
untill only then i'll give in like i always do because im more insecure your feelings have changed.
but if i switch up my style and forget to give in first this time..
will your insecurities speak as loud as your actions and make you ask about mine?
in the begining we both feel the feelings that exist because theyre a new emotion added to our queue
you dont need to wait for me to call and i didnt run in circles around you..
once we get settled we become imune,start to adopt and eventually it loses strength
we expect it there,and the amounts desired increase, always more divided by the length.
so where will we be in four years?
can we find a routine middleground to where as we both amount to what each expects from on another?

if you can keep a secret..?
i promise to only cry under covers.

patience.

i rest my eyes upon the faded pictures that hang on my wall
awaiting the moment i can finally feel your chest beneath my head.
the sun sets, as hours fade and minutes turn into days.
days into weeks, feeling the cold against my cheeks
the weather begins to change and i hope we're all the same
all in all, i hope we stay this way.
i lay my head where the night brings me,upon this pillow i dream
i can't wait to see your face.
look how far we've come my love,
look at all the damage we've done, but look at who we have become.
i miss you, but a few hours soon i will be with you.
i force myself to sleep, you'll stay in my heart where i promised to keep you.
like the first day of highschool, planning outfits in my head
changing positions in my bed
fighting thoughts , no longer dreading the wake without you.
i miss you,but three hrs more and ill be with you.
i drive sound, behind this windsheild
zoning out passing these signs that i always love to see
reminding me of the crazy rides we drove to get here
look how long we've come my dear.
they all speak your name like poison to a drink
and while i sip the sweet nectar, i fiend for the reassurance
hoping we can find ourselves in each other.
drip after drip, our relations take a dip and we end up in the slums of sorrows
hold me tight, keep me close i dont want to wake tommorrow
i cut these minutes in half,pasting moments to dreams
and through a nightmare i pass ignoring your screams
i want you i need you i wish you could go..
but i know if i'm patient love will bring you home.

loves first bite.

she burns of artistic, arithmetic encounters,leaving scars bubbling with ease.
scabbing around the wound like feind. 
she finds time to embrace all she has lost,and some things she never tried for.
she already lost a few people she would die for
;but her hopes stay high with the drama druggies running the streets.
strayed, betrayed, straight through her heart he gave a bullet so strong it could stop her pulse, but she breaths on ignoring the pain and the time shes spent dwelling on his issues with the world.
captivating his soul, she swings from his rib cage on the rope she once held around her neck, and he keeps her here locked inside.
no one shall know her name, no one shall know of the secret affairs they do continue to lust over, and no one shall ever understand.
but here is where she wakes, where she wants to be.
arising from a night mare that has stolen her from dreams.
she finds a reason to hold on, because she knows they pull her legs as she dangles from the cliff of his esophagus.
they all want her here, they need her there
but he keeps her home.
this is home, in between the small hand and the big hand
somewhere before the clock strikes and the bed bugs bite..
she finds herself intertwined with the poisoness lover.
the immortal creature who will always have her heart.

the heart will warm her but,the sting of the pain will keep her.

we burn

lost in between seconds lost in your arms
no one can touch us, baby we've lied we've hurt
and together we'd burn.

set fire to me
melting in you

youd hold youd love me baby thats what you said
but here i am stranded once again.
weve been there the up the downs the back and forth
but i cant keep up anymore
i messed up, you fucked up and here we are now
but i dont know how long i can stick it out
you hurt me they hate you but i fought for your name
dont give a reason to fight again


lost in between seconds lost in your arms
no one can touch us, baby we've lied we've hurt
and together we'd burn.
set fire to me
my gasoline
ashes to ashes
dust to dust
what happened to you
what happened to us?

granted.

never thought I'd be here without you with me
but now i know i was wrong.
they say never take people for granted
the best relationships don't last too long.

can you hear me now?cause i know you still live on in my heart.
with the days we missed out on
i write down these thought to you
hoping you can see what Ive learned
pictures fade,and eventually i will too^
but to our lifeless moments i hold on
so hang on too..

the times only you and i can relive,in our minds.
forever stay by my side,i'll keep you alive
always be by my side.

we had our ups and i missed you when we were down
can you imagine how much i miss you now?
so long ago our pinkys promised
three years and im still here
lost in the loss of you.
shouldn't i feel okay by now?
they say i should move on..
but what if i dont want to move?
so ill close me eyes and see you with me
to escape reality and try to
hang ontoo..

the times only you and i can relive,in our minds.
forever stay by my side,i'll keep you alive

always be by my side.

my dear friend i know you can see me up there
and i wish i could see your smile
but i keep you right here with me
the sound of you laugh sets me free
and i watch as the sun melts into the horizon
and i smile back at you.
it was always us two
keep the secret of me locked away in these dreams
awake me when were back those days..
id take back everything either way
because i know id have you here with me
back to those times..

a-void.

relations with my hands tangled into shapes that round my character.
shadows lurking on every corner, awaiting the hourly thought of you.
lip stick stained in depth within the cracks of my lips, unkissed, untouched.
imperfect sign-language exchanged over casual conversations but your scent is left upon my skin.
clouds cover the illuminating moon,darkness falls over the fact that you're gone.
here without you i cry inside but let no one see im alone.
cleanse the void of your absence,free myself of being replaced.
it wouldn't be the first time.
this is how i live, hoping to see the next day, the sun torching the world, the trees unable to breath,
and me, still here.
watch as my feet take turns like the tables we have dealt over for two years
walking over broken bottles smashed to the curb ,
like my heart against the cage of ribs that no longer protects it.
irrelevance has a part in all, as i stand in stumblers avenenue, this was all supposed to happen
wasnt it?
you,me.. this horrid dream, but awake me from finding truth.
lies,slander, you always say..
but i never learn, i never learn.
poison seeps through my lips to kill our relationship, and why do i continue these lies?
you deserve a better me.
we deserve a better us.
im not with you,but i will always be with you
and this tie around my finger reminds me of things we've forgot.
untie the knot, replace it with a ring.
who would've known i'd ever mean these things.
im sorry, for the avoidance i tend to embrace.
seeking truth, living lies, its all part of the price
cologne clung to you that night
ocean waters washed away your pride, your lies.
walk with me, and the waves do the same
sand molds to the shape of my feet,sinking in the poison i speak
i love you, i have never hurt that word
but if a word could be hurt,it would cry alone in the dark
love is a painful thought.

casual conversations.

You are my soul mate..
you challenge me and touch my soul.

When your fingers glide along the small of my back,
youre hands hold my soul.
your lips graze my brain.

When you look at me i am found
in the moment every second is an hour
and life becomes bliss

In seconds you find me where we stay lost in lust
when love saves us we count the days
until we can finally touch truth once more.

the truth of our love is written on the page,
our future,unwritten is before us.
each day it rises with the suns
it stays with the moon
the two will be one and the love becomes whole soon.

the time of life living as one drags slowly,
leaving sparse pigments of pain in your eyes.
but you give me the courage to open them each morning.
you leave me with bittersweet kisses and  butterflies,
sacred of hurt,frightened by the "L" word we use so casually.
The void of your absence grows thick..
needing you, wanting you.. to hold me.
hold me,and never let me go again.

we count hours,days,seconds spent with you
these are the seconds i add to.. but you my love with me in every move,
stay close.. you stay close.
here in my heart, with nights awake tossing without your arms.
turning without your voice,
wishing the month we see before use comes soon.
they talk their talk, and judge our secretive love.
but what they dont know wont hurt us.
wont hurt us.

gilded lillies.

series of blood stained tears
love stained fears.
abandoned lips quiver, while tasting your breath.
concrete cracks under her feet.
stepping upon shattered glass,fearless.
perpetual circles,round and round.
under her eyelids dark crystals hide away.
gilded lilies have died to stay,
rotten,thirsting for truth.

crumbled leaves,tumble weeds..stranded.
melodic sounds,faintly disappear.
ancient organs fight for freedom,distraught.
the truth she has found has grown stale.
ink blots, black words are tart washed with chlorophyll.

broken knees,sore spirits.
shuffling through capsules,finding cure.
rusted waves,gliding through her punctured veins.
still,inanimate.
gone.

high hopes.

theres small things in life, that youll get the chance to see again.
those little things that someone does that makes your world a happier place.
that moment of laughter you shared, over something you now can't even remember.
there are those times, you would spill tears over someone you don't even know anymore..
that day you thought you looked lost, but you meant your bestfriend.
that night you thought would never end..but now you wish it never did.
that song that played on the radio, and every time it came on your eyes would light up.
the hospital trips you hated but glad didn't lead to a little black dress.
the days you were forced to sit next to the person you hated most, but now is you friend.
the first day you rode that damn bike, and after so many tries..
next on your list was to teach yourself to fly.
spread those wings,because these memories will give you hieght.

theres times we all take for granted..
that day your mom packed you lunch for school
the time you found a dollar floating in a puddle,
and the candybar you bought with it was the best chocolate you'd ever had.
A lot of people turn cold, after tragedies or a remorseful pain.
when in reality they just want to fly again..
many people don't know how to teach themselves.

its a cold world, full of confused people.
sometimes i sit on this park bench and watch..
&as the sun beats against the faces of the young ones..
and the wind blows past their elders..
you can see the chemistry is gone.
what happened to the love?
leaves fall,the sun goes down and seasons will continue to change
but people as well never stay the same..
i've promised myself to adapt to these things
changes is not a bad thing.

People will come and go, and some you will never see again..
so take advantage of the opportunities you have,while you can.

we all live for the moments that hard work has paid off..
we're living for the wrong things..
live for yourself..
live in your dreams..
and spread your wings.
now fly.

close is so far.

we still have time to go,
but im waiting here.
breathing in,exhaling the silence you send me.
letting go of what i used to know
of who i used to see..
who i used to love.

oh you have a way with words,
you tell me everything that takes away the hurt.
i miss you, &no one approves.
i love you,still.

time to flee, time to forget
lets take our time this time.
lets move slower, and really focus on doing things for ourselves.
epic fail.

frail paint brushes tangled in my hair
pencil points in a pile
crushed pastels stain my sheets
and i create a masterpiece of destruction.
your eyes,your lips, you brows..
what a perfect combination.
you make me sick,
but i love being sick.

my knee holds my head, and my arms hold them tight
my nails bitten to the core like a fiend with no resistance.
mascara still hugging my lashes, lips chapped..
burning every time the salt in my tears fall upon them.


oh your voice so angelic.
i can hear the pain in your tone.
the way your lips slur the words ive waited to hear.
gazing upon the reasons i want you here.
i still love you, and i hate me for that.
they dont think its a good idea,
but i do what i want.
i want you.


i wish time didn't pass us so slow.
the dreams we've shared,still shattered collecting dust
somewhere in the chest we've burried them deep in.
somewhere behind the heart, still burning..
lighting up everytime i think of january
the possibilities left in life for you and i..
you can have me and i'll give me to you
like i always do..
back for round two.
four,six?
which is this?


we lie close,but so far from reach,
close my mind to hear you speak.
speak soft secrets to me.

the winter soltice/sosinproductions lyrics

speaks; how do we always end up here?
we always end up.. here.


-intro
better get used to this place my dear,because we always end up here.
after turning right,after right we end up lost again right here.
its days like these i ask myself to move on, when im stuck here
with this lump crawling from my throat
i start to get over our last fight,but we hit  rock bottom again
i can't cope.
 dont no much about this thing called love,this is my first time too
but you admit to breaking heart,
where have we gone wrong..
if we know all of these things,why can't we love right?
we take our time,but these baby steps come one at a time.
i hope we get there soon..

but until then im panting, i panic, im gasping for air..
sufforcating under this pile we created here..
guitar comes in ..

baby we've burried ourselves again,
i'll love you till my last breath..
but i think i'll breath it soon..
because after digging us out, i cant keep up with you
the good in your heart has gone too..
so now im stitching,im digging..
keep close,eyes shut.. bare with me now

unburry me please,this time wont you help me..
deep breaths.. breathe..
we dont know much about this thing called love..
but i know i love you.
we'll be there soon.

mista encore/your music lyrics

speaks;her love is music to my ears,turn her up.



bittersweet sings after drop;
hit my heart to the beat of this drum, you'll be my only one.
now play the strings im wrapped up in,turn it loud, turn me out.
make me feel right, loving me always,killing me softly.
now harmonize between my thighs, touch me here, love me right.
(mista encore speaks)(turn her up..)
chorus;turn me up, turn me on
produce this track, i'll mix this, you add that
&i'll sing ochopellla
im feeling this,were feeling us, lets not stop(Mista speaks over)(i wont stop)
we'll sing..ochopella.
lost in this heat,feel this beat?
as we sing.. making you feel right.(making you feel right)
turn me up,now turn me on, im feeling this
we wont stop
ochopella,ochopella..

lost in the beat,lost in this heat
turn ya up,turn me on(turn me on)

-..mista encore..
verse..
...................
................
..................



(bittersweet sings after Mista,before chorus)
baby harmonize between my thighs,turn me up love me right..

--chorus--
repeat 2x

(mista)&(bittersweet) mixx
 ....fadeout.

stronger.

intoxication,flirtatious,
this is not my style.
yet i sit here and play the part extremely well.
numbers in my phone, so i don't feel alone
but when i wake up without you i go through hell.
This is not my fault, in fact i'm not sure if its yours either.
i think its just called life, lets blame it on life.
Drowning this lump in my throat until i can't spell the word sober,
and when its all done i wake eventually with no intentions of speaking to you.
but i do..
or at least i try,
i wonder how you're handling this so well.
responsibilities, cling to me, and it gets a bit easier to cope.
preoccupied with decisions to make for myself..
i wish you could see how good im doing,finally.
i wish you were here to tell me you're proud.
Two years of the same shit,the same friendship
two years of loving no one else..
not even myself
and its hard to admit
only because i want you to think its easy for me..
but i really do miss you.
i miss my friend,my "soul-mate"
the one i'd fight for until death
but now I've revived myself, because that was only the death of me
i'm living in your dreams,
i'm breathing in what seems unreal.
but this is as real as it gets
and tears disappear under my chin
writing this, hoping you'll read it
hoping you've thought of me lately
hoping you  will call, because i miss you voice.
but at this point all i can do is hope.
there's no other choices i have left to make but those that will benefit me.
i turned cold, now i shiver
i turned numb, and i left you alone.
but now i'm scared because i haven't cried in such a long time
who am i?
the emotional girl, is not emotionless
and she gags at the thought of you moving on
but she holds still
waiting for you to realize
waiting for you to ask
wondering where you've been
the emotionally emotionless me is strong.

truth about lies.

you dont have to ask me if i remember that night.
i would say "trust me" but..
i'll never forget.
"trust me"
ironic isn't it?
if it weren't for me being human,
and insecure you probably would trust me.
unleash the beast,he's within
and next you standing tall,
i'm just a kid.
with the things i have done, i've teased
and slandered your name
but it was me to blame.
maybe you liked her,maybe not.
but you know what happened with us..
and i know it was my fault.
i hated you because i hated me
and hating me made it hard for us.
i lied to you about alot of things
i even ignored you when you called me
i kept the same story going,and going,and going
and i don't know what you think you know now,
but i swear now i'll tell you everything.
i have told you everything.
do you accept that?
please believe me..
it sounds so pitiful,so ashamed
i have to ask your permission to trust me
i have to beg you to believe me
because i was selfish.
well heres the truth, i have always wanted to love myself
and back then i thought maybe he could help me with that
but i realized after feeling disgusted with my decision and with myself
that he was never the answer to my problems
and niether are you,but you are a hell of alot more close.
i am the answer, and thats the damn truth.
you want the truth,but i wish i could lie more
because when i tell you the truth i only hear bye more.
i dont want to have to lie, and make up these things that just
SOUND good.
i want to be great,and know im doing good.
theres things you will remember but for me try to forget
because im starting over, and i want this.
i know you want this as bad as me
i can see it in your face
youre hurting because of me
and everyone tells you to leave me alone
but you have stuck it out, and i love you for that
more than they will ever know
because we share this something
that they will never understand so when
im done with this, they'll smile at the sight of our holding hands
and we will make them proud
but we will be more proud to be part of something that is real
something we no longer have to lie about
i promise ill figure it out.
honestly

gone.

when i used to close my eyes
i would never imagine us to be here.
but now when my eyelids wrap around
my pupils,hiding reality,stealing away
the truth, i only wish for us to be happy.
finally,happy.
back then,this me was good enough
to keep you convinced that everything would fall into place.
but this me has changed you, and im only wieghing you down.
i don't want to be this me,anymore.
especially if it means not having you.
everyone looks out for themselves,and its only natural that you will too,
i dont blame you.
if this were you, i'd leave you.
you have alot to live for right now,and just like everyone has always said
we ONLY compliment eachother pretty well.
but im not complimenting anything but your success anymore,
and now its with words not with actions.
i don't blame you for feeling like i don't support you
but this may be just me blaming all of this on me.
because im at the point of lost cause,
i have nothing left to do
going days without a real conversation with you
i want nothing more than a relationship we had from the start
but even then we weren't intending to break eachothers hearts
but we have.
now all we have is lost memories, and somewhere in mix
we still love,hard.
but its hard to love when love is hard to find,were losing eachother
im yours,but your not mine.
distance makes it hard to communicate
working against our fate
and i only dream to be close to you again.
i want to be with you, not against you anymore
and it may seem like all i do is bitch,and nag,
and complain,and say you're not good at anything
but in all reality im just bitching because you're not here.
which is not your fault.
please continue to better yourself,
i enjoy watching you through your journey
and you're doing such a great fucking job
thats not sarcasm either.
part of me fell in love with the me i saw inside you.
the me that i wanted to be,ambitious and optomistic
i used to be that me, but didn't have any opportunities
like i have now, and the difference is now im not that me
when the world sits in my hands, i squeeze so hard, my faces
scrunches up and in this little ball i embrace the anger and crush it.
reaching out to everyone for pitty,because they say i play the victim so well.
well i am a victim here, a victim of myself.
and for stringing you along,to suffer, i apologize.
we've never had good time..
our timing has been off from the start
and now we're 105miles apart..
i sit here with this fucked up heart
and wish you'd come back to me.
for what?
what do i offer you that improves you?
the only reason were only good lovers
is bc loving you is the only thing i do
that can benefit you, because you want that too..
but you don't want me doing nothing with myself
and as a friend you don't agree with what im doing
so there goes our friendship, i fucked that up too
im sorry,im trying now,and i really love you.
don't stay gone, because i know i will NOT stay this girl
i have dreams that i got lost in
that i will show the world
and when they all see, i bet you'll smile
"thats my pandagirl"

so thankyou for your support,when you knew i could
and i didn't you never walked away
its not to late
tomorrow is our second year
but most of all a new day.

no sneakers.[mista encore]

let intro play for the two loops
all high notes

(00:22)

verse1:
you held me close when you wanted me then
but you've let go and have me ruined
im dwelling on the stare in your eyes
you'll regret this i promise
once you see i was honest
and i'll be okay without the lies
i'll be alright ill be just fine
i think i'll be okay..
who am i kidding anyway..?
i need my baby


[chorus]
they say you never know what you have until its gone
and tomorrow isnt garunteed, so knock me down
take control, make love to me.
don't tell my friends that we made up, keep it on the DL
back around in these circles here we go..
we pick up quick, after starting slow.
keep hush baby,this is something they will never know.
i hope they never know.

[mista encore verse] 1:22-1:54
[chorus] until 2:26

bittersweet verse[2:26]
lets deny everything,baby i told you not to say anything..
you know they tell me to stay away, because we have been here before
we fight,we smile,we break-up just to make up.. this love is so bittersweet
im intoxicated, i want a higher dose, baby keep me close to you heart
where i need to stay, i think we'll be okay---
i think i'll be okay..
[chorus]@2:58

your music.

intro brings in..

00:12
your love is music to my ears <speaks>
turn it up..

-intro
0:22
lets harmonize,
fantasize
hit my heart to the beat of this drum
you'll be my only one.
now play the strings im wrapped up in
turn it loud,turn me out.
steal away my spotlight
make me feel right.
right here.
right now.(00:54)
sing with me
killing me softly
loving me always.
turn me up
turn me on.

ooh


verse 1: (01:08)
harmonize,between my thighs
touch me here, love me right
i'll sing,
for you now
ochopella(repeat) ochopella
you'll be with me
we'll make this beat
produce track
i'll mix this
you add that
now turn me up
i'll sing
ochopella,(repeat)
 im feelin this
we're feelin us
dont sweat it now
lets not stop
let me sing to you
ochopella
hear me now?
feel this beat?
lost in the heat
caught up in something i can't get enough of
i never heard a soundtrack like this before
i need more..
turn me up
love me right
my labels signed by your name
i wear proud, in black ink
on my heart, rip it off my sleeve
keep here safe with me
as we sing together
ochopella, ochopella

rusted storm.

 just needed a place to save this.

intro:
loops plays 4 times  00:10
Hands move slow now, and we're clinging close
fingers point us out ,were expo-sed..\/

verse1: 00:22
we my love are simply in love
and we shall always be untouched.
you smell of smoke and licorice
i feel heaven   against my lips
white sky,pure scent of rain.^
.. pause..
and today you will wash me away...__\/

chorus; ^^
hiding in my perfect escape^
in your arms i wish to stay^
no one understand my pain\/
but you embrace the feel of rain--^
drenched in you i walk through these rays^
that dry my tears away^
they say that youre not here to stay^^^
but with you they always call for rain.__\/

verse2:  01:05
keep your grip on my hips,
run your hand through my hair,__
im tangled in this surreal place^
i only know when i see your face.^
i dont want to leave---,^
but reality has its ways\/
i smile and you fade away^..
^i hope to see you again today__
they need to see what i see
when you look at me^^
in your chest beating strong
lets prove them all wrong.

 i only dream to see your face,\/
  ::::chorus:::
hiding in my perfect escape^
in your arms i wish to stay^
no one understand my pain\/
but you embrace the feel of rain--^
drenched in you i walk through these rays^
that dry my tears away^
they say that youre not here to stay^^^
but with you they always call for rain.__\/

verse 3: 01:58
prove them wrong, come back now..^
i want to hold you here.__
not forever, not too long..
but long enough.\/
you and i stand still with time------^
clouds peirce the core of my soul^
warm front passes, and im cold.^
they know my doubts of its existence
heaven is now just written about
they say there is such a place
i only dream your face
 :::chorus:::
(over top of chorus)but with you they always call for rain--^
..they always call for rain.^---
wash me away
wash me away....

02:54
im drowning in emotions,
my heart sinks in your ocean
i hope these tears evaporate
from my flooded brain
we my love are simply in love
filling our veins with rust
tell me when youve had enough
drifting to into another drout
trying to find our way out
soak up the pain,turn our love to rain.
turn our love to rain..
toxic rain..

::chorus::

rain on me, rain on me..
wash me away.

loops 3 times.
end.

ashes,ashes.

tall heels, long hair,
a button here, a zipper there.
red lips, at a table in the city..
men stare,women fantasize..
a girl can dream,cant she?

but i do nothing to have this dream.
sitting here not knowing where i stand.
not knowing if i feel like standing at all
but please oh please catch me
i always fall,
back to this place where im content
is it me? or am i just scared of failure.
i want to be in the city,writing,painting
making fabulous things
but here i sit writing about my fantasy.
who knows if i'll ever be that young women
that every little girl dreams to be
until then im just miserable,alone
and scared of myself, scared i might
fall again
and this time fall harder than i ever fallen before.
they've all got someone.
a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a bestfriend, a lover
someone to depend on, and even when i look at him
is not now not enough
do i bore myself by decorating this love?
do i bore my mind with images of me fufilling my dreams?
is that enough?
not for this me.
this me, wants everything
but has nothing, because she has done nothing
lazy, she lays and wants to play
but work not harder than shes worked a day in her life
to sit here and pretend shes getting there
there, that place in her mind
there i said it, didn't i?
admitting you all of you im a bit more like him than i'd like to be..
and i've done nothing to change that
nothing.
and i dont want to
because thats the only part of him that i know
and maybe part of me doesn't want to lose that
im not as strong as some of the friends i never had
some of the people i've made up in my head
im not that strong.
but i want to be
i want you to love me
i want you to help me
im struggling
i can't keep a job to save my life
if it could save my life
thats an easy way out
easier than i pictured it actually..
and quite FRANKly thats easy enough.
i'll sit here and pretend this doesn't tear you up
or eat me alive from the inside
i'll lay here on the couch
because i DON'T want to get up
giving up is easier
and i have this strange feeling
you will all feel sad for me
this strange gut feeling that you will all
tell me i have such talent, and such things to do with myself
that he could never do
and i'll sit there nod my head,
and probably laugh
i never wanted this
he never wanted this
i never wanted him
he never wanted me
but im stuck here, as his blood flows thicker than hers
and im sinking in my ownself
in my own dreams
ashes, melt me away
a girl can dream
cant she?

company.

she judges me, and talks bad about me
but we're so close
atleast it looks that way.
she occupies herself, to keep company
but they all leave and live their own lives
she sits in dark places and wonder where her happiness has gone.
rain smacks against the windshield in my car
music low, i don't feel like hearing the radio
and she thinks to me, is this how it is supposed to be?

she might as well not have a phone
she's always reaching out to the world
but it doesn't answer.
on days like this, it doesn't exist.
in a relationship with herself
and its not anyones fault but her own..
the biggest critic, and for her to think
she wants success.
more convenient for themselves,
she is left with busy keeping and
doing things that benefit her none
mirrors fogged, don't look at yourself
keep her locked in a box
until im gone.

tears fled, like rain
swerving into the wrong lanes
this is where she left you,
don't do it to me.
"friends" flee from behind the curtain
and she knows its all an act
"i hope they never come back"
but they all come and go as they please
confusion in me,
like him, he did this
i had no one then, and i have me now
but im not sure that makes her proud.

if you're leaving stay gone
if your staying, then stay
but if you aren't yet sure
i have no time for you.
webisites, social networks
they keep her plenty company
but when she leaves the screen
her phone still doesn't ring
shes alone, in the room
being consumed
and he's lost towers
as she shits on her own throne.
music, turn it loud
pain? wash it out
cleanse herself
keeping herself company
she needs company
shes scared of who she wants to be
lost in the lulluby of her childhood memories
he fled, just like daddy
and just like daddy he doesn't respond
counciling only sugar coast everything
and nothing comes of this.
left with a pretend goodnight kiss
daddy and the world loves you
but you need to love thyself.

she smiles.

sun sparkles on the water, across the yard
and the trees sing to me their songs.
sombers through the night, because she's really gone.

so long ago, our pinkys promised
3 years, and im still here.
smiling everytime i hear your song,
but now its only played as a throwback
when the station has nothing better to play..
and when i walk past your house now
its different.
no pitty, no sad stories that we all lose our friends
no more tall tales about the nights that we felt free
no more you, only memory.

breathing was simply an option, but smiling was not
we didn't care what they'd think
we were young,wild and free
free me of my misery
lost here without a truce of a friendship
i once knew
dig through this box, of things you left for me
unburrying capsels i thought i'd never see again
shouldn't i feel okay by now?
shouldn't i know the difference bewteen touched and alone?
stranded, and left behind
they look at me like im the lucky one
but days like these i wish you werent the only one

gray clouds above peirce the core of my soul
making pictures of the sky to form your face
my memory is still fading away
pictures, but its not the real thing
lost in surreal images that i can never rinse from my brain
i miss you, always my friend.

simplify.

were stuck here between our feelings and our thoughts
somewhere between our mornings, and late night talks.
i miss you, you are so far from my reach
but with you is where i'll always be.

days pass slowly, too slow for me..
not hearing your voice, waiting for my phone to ring.
im here, im there, im everywhere but with you..
i know times are hard, but i'll be there soon..
you're growing up so much, and i can't keep up
im trying my legs are getting so weak..
im chasing you, as you conquer your dreams
but you move so fast and im far behind.

i've never been too good at living my own life..
but who is?
there are some things i wish i could've done in the past
some things i wish i didn't do..
but most of all some things i could've said to you
that could've prevented us from getting here.
but is here so terribly bad?
im happy with who you've become..
a mature relationship is all we've ever wanted
lets live it.
breathe it, and taste the sweetness of success
we're here now..
and i want this to last.

im holding back feelings, saving drafts in my phone
trying to keep myself from thinking things i used to know
when i'd tell myself you're doing me wrong
but now all i do is trust in you
and i pray you wont let me down,again.

if this is simply what we've yearned for..
then why is it so hard to understand?
im embracing the feeling of you gone again..
long term, long distance, long time no see
but at the end of the day, you live in me.

embrace.

Are we merely just content with our comfort in this stage?
other people move swiftly through the routine of their days,
but you and i stand still with time.

Hands move slow now, and we're clinging close
fingers point us out and were exposed..
but we my love are simply in love
and we shall always be untouched.

we can't run now, we've come too far,
but where is far if heaven is strictly against my lips?
you smell of smoke and licorice
white sky, pure scent of rain
but today you will wash me away.
hiding in my perfect escape
trapped in your arms i wish to stay.

no one understands my pain, but you embrace the feel of rain
drenched in you i walk through these rays that dry all my tears away.
they say that youre not here to stay
but for now, for me its good enough.

keep your grip on my hips, and your hand through my hair,
im tangled in this surreal place i only know when i see your face.
i dont want to leave, but reality has a way of ruining things..
i smile and you fade away.. i hope to see you again today
but with you they always call for rain.

heaven is now just written about, they say there is such a place
but knowing what i have felt, i only dream to see your face,
prove them wrong, come back now..
i want to hold you here.
not forever, not too long..
but long enough.

i've told them all the doubts ive had, of its existence
if only i could show them now what its like.

they need to see what i see when you look at me.
they need to feel what i feel when my cheek rests on your chest.
if they heard what i heard, unfrozen but beating strong
maybe then, just maybe
i could prove them all wrong.

bitter.

"you can bite into an apple and taste the bitterness that lies underneath
unfortunately for you, i like that taste."-amanda ancello 


I've been in denial for while about my struggles that keep me trapped.
I'm locked behind this door, hoping to find my way back..
I've seen relationships crumble around me my whole life..
and all I've ever wanted was to do something right.
but in this case i was wrong.

I am in love with the idea of being in love.
your words, not mine.
and yes this is about you, is that alright?
well look, who cares i write what i please
you come and go at your leaser
im done chasing something that wont stand still
or stop for a second and let me catch up..
and you wonder why im a crazy bitch.

i never gave up
keep reading and you may find out that bitch isn't even the worst of it.
You love me when im there
you love me until im numb
frank ocean can relate, he thought he found the one..
i wonder she really drove him to drugs?
does novocane really work, i may have to try it
but dont judge me, im only in this for the long term.
so yes ill become addicted to anything that has to do with you
like i always do.

no, im done being you bitch.
you're only a part of this relationship when you want it
but baby, thats not how it goes..
and if you never knew that..
i hope ive cleared that sand dial glass for you
because your time is running short.
im sorry, MY time.
the time ive invested in you..
youve made your compromises too, but where is the struggle?
do you just run from all you troubles?

now theres no service on my brain,
so i wont register what you're saying..
don't keep your phone close
i know you have no service either..
i wont call.

my phone? is that whats most important to you?
i say im done, and you're not worried about me being DONE.
done putting up with this bullshit,
running around in circles until i faint.
i thought the heat in the shower was bad,
but this has me so light headed i can barely stand.
im gone.
like the wind that blows in your one ear out the other.
and its ashame it really is
i thought we'd always have eachother..
well i have me,
and you have you..
im cold, im frozen..

ghost.

superhuman.

cape? check.
lazerbeam eyes? check.
spandex tight? check.
charismatic? check.
superhuman?

im powerless, under the spell of your fragrence.
the grip of your hands, the squeeze in your arms.
soaring higher plans, swifter than birds..
talk of the town, and they all speak your name
but your confident, and strong
while others crumble under fame..
tall,profound,indeed yes you are..
whats a heart break, after a lift of a car?
plenty enemies, but many more fans
policemen,firemen, soldiers, but youre the man.

caught in your web, i weave myself out.
but your fast, your good, you've got a way with words.
you know just what to say to keep me from jumping off this roof.
people stare, news casts, and they're waiting for you to fail
but from up her they're so small..
dont fail me now.
if i step closer to the edge will you follow?
if i tell you i dont want to live, will you web out a picture
of the reasons i should stay?

tied to this chair, and the buildings on fire..
he knows your weaknesses, so draw your card
the queen burns in her thrown
will the joker have his last laugh?
get here soon, i beg you please..
i know youve found a reason for courage in me.
you were once a  mystery,completely unsolved
but you let me right in
and i promise when you save me
we'll be okay again...
sidekicks, we made the perfect team
so hurry and get here
theres no you without me.

i didnt see it coming, he grabbed me from behind..
and now im on this bridge, with a fright of hieghts..
its me or them, but do what you think is best..
i know you from somewhere, i can picture you under the mask.
remember our first kiss?
you hung upside down?
that was a first for me you know..
i fell hard that night,
i've been wanting to run into you again,
but not quite like this.
for our sake i hope this isn't the last of me
or our last kiss.

i write articles, titled with your name.
your superhuman, yes its safe to say
who else could make me feel this way?
gentleman by day, hero by night
but your my hero all the time.
i know ill make it,with you on my side.
i always end up in the worst situations.
almost as if im a target for misery
but i know you can save me from me.
dont rush, take your time..
i know it may burn in your chest..
your knees give out, and you fall without control
i shine green, sometimes blue, depends on my episode
but i soon it wont kill you, youll have no weakness
im trying, help me help you
be invincible,
superman.
superhuman,
superme.

panting,panics.

better get used to this place ,my dear,
because this is where we always end up.
after turning right, after right and ocassionally a left
the only direction you leave me with is lost.
its days like these i ask myself to move on,
when im stuck here, that lump crawling from my throat
do you like fighting, or is this merely a sick joke?

we don't know much about this thing called love
this is my first time too..
but i know we know we are in love
so whats that leave us to?

if we can admit to being wrong,
admit to breaking hearts
and admit we want something more
something to cherish, something important
not something we've had before..
if we know all of these things why cant we do right?
im aware we want to be there soon,
but these baby steps are one step in a long time.

so until then i panic, panting,gasping for air
suffocating under this pile of bullshit
that we've burried ourselves in.
i will love you until my last breath
and by digging myself out, i might breathe it soon
its ashame, the good must die young
and the good in your heart has died off and gone
but im stitching and digging and finding our way out
just keep close, eyes shut, and bare with me now.

questionable truth.

Dare:
i dare you to let go of all of your doubts,
and to love me forever without regret.

Truth:
It will probably never happen.

Question:
Are you willing to take a risk, for once just commit
to something other than yourself?

the answer has been clear for the time spent with you.
And after ALL you put me through, and dipped me in,
and dug me out, and forced me to do..

you would think that answer would be yes.
but apparently thats not how things work with you..
i've always been the type of gal to solve mysteries
but unlike yourself they sort of unravel..
youre hot and cold, and warm and chilly
but i cant get comfortable.
so explain to me how someone is supposed to live
in a dark room of light
spend the rest of their days with someone who
doesnt quite know themselves?
How is a gal supposed to fold the sheets of a bed
not slept in?
will you ever make sense?
or will you keep me questioning?


the truth is you've been this person i just denied the knowledge i already had.

sugar&spice

you never know what you have until its gone.
it's safe to say i can now relate..
i had everything, but i was blind.
blinded by you my love,
i had the world at my fingertips
but you reached out and crushed it.
i wanted you.
part of me still does..
but i want more what i lost before you
my independence.
the girl that lived inside me..
she'd play dress up and sing in the mirror for hours
she'd paint her nails different colors
and wear whatever she wanted..
until she dressed to impress, you.


i want the child that ran away from me.
the child that played on the swings hanging from my heart.
the same child who took risks, and dared to fail at something..
the child who didn't care about anything but coloring out of the lines..
but that child grew to love you.


There was a woman having lunch at a small table in my brain.
the woman who documented her goals, and life long dreams..
she'd write out pros, cons, and she'd keep them filed..
but she started drawing hearts around your name.


wheres the princess stuck in the tower?
is she still awaiting for her prince to come?
she looks out her window at fire breathing dragons
she braids her hair and hopes it has grown..
she still tally's the days spent wasting after waking from dreams
he'd wear silver, shinig armor and slay the beast
but she got bored of believing in bed time stories
so bored she let herself free.


looking back now, i now see what i had..
when you grow up you lose sense of yourself..
but who wrote the book about love?


i gave you everything.. 
all i had in me, and i forgot who i was.
i forgot where i was going
a journey to find thyself.


So today i'll braid my hair and climb from this damn tower
because i am strong
i'll file my dreams and lock them safe inside my heart.
and i will love myself.
i will dress up in all my fine pearls
and i will look in the mirror and feel good to be me
independent me.


and when i get there, on my fire breathing beast,
with a smile stamped on my face
where the path leads and the journey ends
i promise i will think of you, my prince.

MIC

spread the word like lotion on my skin,
vulnerable, and through my pores i suck you in.
trapped in the crease between your brows..
so sing to me the song i dread to hear..
your love is music to my ears.
producer of my fears,and these happy tears.
so play along the strings im wrapped up in..
and hit my heart to the beat of the drum..
you said i was your only one.

you tell me to sing along, but im not familiar with this song.
theres only three words for lyrics on this page
but your singing off of the beat anyway..
so we'll harmonize and try to find middle ground..
can you hear me now?
i'd rather sing by myself
ochopella.

puff,puff, and hit this high note with me
rooms spinning and your all i see.
playing the piano to "killing me softly"
whispers, so loud i can't hear myself think.

wheres the MIC when i have something to say?
I'll be your MC,remind you we're doing okay..
crowd pleaser but i'll always come back for you..
you know you're the only one i can talk to.
adjust you to my height, before we hit the stage..
im trying to convince myself not to bitch out.

"palms are sweaty" you make my knees weak
and i keep forgetting we've been here before.
so you grab the headphones and produce this track
i'll be behind the curtain waiting to see if you actually come back.

applaud.

findme;there.

my mind runs from me,down this road.
following exit signs, leading me home.
"shore points"
almost there..
im hoping you'll find me here.

Lost in memory, searching for truth.
&in the end all the signs lead to you.
On my knees i pray but his silence wounds my ears.
ink on the back of my neck convinces me to face my fears.
"fearless."

but i do fear you,
scared of what happens after what we been through.
calm down now, fly while the sky comes crashing.
but if not now, when will it happen.
this CD skips with the beats missing from my heart
if i dont try now, when will i start.
if you want something,sometimes you gotta let them go..
but who ever said i'd feel this alone.

Beethoven once wrote, love letters to his immortal lover
&behind the wheel, i pretend im undercover.
i can feel you now, moving, you're spreading those wings
they're big, strong.. fly.


it happens so quickly, you can taste the residue.
seeing your soft lips spread to a smile.
the touch of your hand on mine.
our foreheads pressed hard against on another..
open my eyes, find me here.


your words still wrapped around my neck,
hanging from a small silver chain.
"i'll love you forever"
but today forever is too far away.

she is her,her is me.

She sits in Indian style
her hair braided to the side..
bangs that fall perfectly over her raised brow.
a paint brush lost in knots behind her ear.
sunkissed cheeks, and a few freckles lay upon her nose.
the wind whispers secrets to her
she keeps them locked away
in the place no one will ever know
her mind wanders in circles
weighed down by the ancors
tied to the boat of her dreams
that slowly sails far from shore..
but today she will paint the ocean.

her feet sink in sand, hot sand.
her legs strong, her head low.
accepting the gifts the ocean leaves her
another wave, a different shell.
bubbles chase the tide around her toes
sun still beating against her back
like the heart in her chest
as she imagines herself,happy.
today she will be happy.

bright lights,loud music and chatter.
she feels free walking the restless streets,
but if only her body could keep up with her feet.
heels high, her mind is quite, but her heart has much to say.
tall building surround her with opportunities,
a pocket full of change, not one familiar face.
red lips, dark eyes lost somewhere so alive at night
and catches her reflection in a glass window..
tonight she is beautiful.

they point, they question her ability to fly
"she doesnt want flight."
"she must be scared of hieghts"
but what if she knows how to climb..
flying would only be a flap of the wings
but a challenge has always aroused her
nothing easy is fun, but pain is worth something
feeling is worth her worry, and her sombers through her dreams
held back by something little seems way to easy..
shes holding back because she's not yet ready
one step up and a thousand more to take
she'll be great
today she will escape.


potential, only is written across her face.
but still she has her secret locked away in some place..
a place no one knows, or cares to find
this place is her, is sacred, is mine.

no worries..

They're "concerned."

They're clearly, worried about my future,right?

I mean thats what they all say.

Apparently im "wasting" my potential

&it saddens them to see such talent in someone who doesn't use it.

Do i not deserve it?

Why am i not in school?

 Why can't i stay somewhere for longer than a month?

Why am i so unhappy?

why am i not using my "potential to my advantage?

How can i possibly use ANYTHING to my advantage when im not satisfied?

Would i actually be advancing with anything if i were to be an artist?

how about singing? let me sing to you..

"THIS IS MY LIFE, let me live it."

yeah i should probably stick to my day job..

wait day job? what is that?

because i'm only familiar with a grave shift..

for something i'm not sure i even want.

They all want it..

They tell me to keep going..

GO WHERE?

i am content RIGHT HERE..

i like to write, let me write for the rest of my life..

take the magic from my escape, 

crowd my paradise with compliments and unfriendly critics

I'll paint, thats it, ill just paint.

Put this color here, a color i cant erase..

but when im done this masterpeice, 

what will it really matter?

a couple dollars in my pocket

while someone else enjoys the view of my canvas on their wall?

no thankyou.

I will be want i want to be,

when i want to be..

let me find me.

it may take a while

but when i find her

i'll be sure to introduce you.

sincerly, your bitch.

lets play with my tainted heart.
we could always throw it back & forth..
why not?
as long as youre happy right?
oh lets just keep me trapped behind this locked door,forever.
just throw away that key
the one you already lost in septemeber.
of course, i dont mind.
you can come and go as you please.
&i'll be here waiting,
like your bitch
that youve made me.
like a feen & i cant stop itching.
irritating you eh?
oh you dont even know irritating.
lets just drag this along
only until you kill me
because thats completely fair.
you can keep these chaines around my ankles
to keep me from running.
and like a dog, i'll cry
and i bet you'll scream
"look what your doing to me!"
so feed me, only lies & broken promises
that you will ALWAYS keep.
oh you make me smile..
that "ear-to-ear" plastered on my face.
like a clown, they'll point and just laugh at me.
having fun yet?
i can wait.
bare with me here, exhale your toxic air
and ill suck it right in.
only until youre happy again.
anything for you, my love.

dial.

i hate that bitch that tells me you cant answer the phone.
my heart breaks everytime i hear the tone.
&i will never leave a message.
i refuse.
you should already know what i expect of you.
answer me please, im losing myself.
all i want is someone to talk to.
im not calling to nag, to bitch, or catch you
i thought you were my best friend.
the one who knows me best?
than you should know the burn that sizzles in my chest.
the sting, everytime i pick out these weapons,
that i want to hurt.
i feel numb, and i need you.
and after all weve been through
you would think youd be first to know that.
when we talk now its quick
youre busy with your life, and im here begging for your time.
how pathetic.
how sad, im lonely, because you used spend all your time with me.
i was number one, the highest priority.
now please tell me what i am?
im sitting here lost in a memory
drowning myself in my misery, alone.
because everytime i call you cant answer the phone.
and i replay in my head, that obnoxious dial tone.
ring,ring, im sorry but the person you are trying to reach
no longer has time to DEAL with you.
press one to leave a numeric page,
otherwise leave a message that he'll never listen to.
i REFUSE.
where are you my love?
when i really need you?
ah, if you only knew.


....click.

nothing but everything.

I will never be perfect, & i may not have the most acceptable flaws.
I have been unfaithful, & i' know i've let you down.
I can never take back my mistakes & trust me there are many.
I know how much i've hurt you & if i were you, i'd hate me.

I wish i could explain the thoughts that come to mind when seeing you smile.
with tears running down my face, and my heart shattered
you have a way of making me so happy.
we're breaking, we're trying,
we're making sweet love.
& you sweep me away, just like that.

I've lied, I've told you things i've never believed myself.
I've given you excuses to simple tasks i could never complete.
I've taken you for granted, & treated you like shit.
It's crazy, because your still here
If i were you, this would be it..

I know it hurts, to think of all ive done.
thinking back to the first time we held hands
people stared & i remember being nervous
my plam was sweaty, but you held tight
& you smiled, you never let go.
dont go.

I can tell i've torn you apart.
I can tell i pushed you away.
&i've brought most of this on myself.
what he did was NEVER your fault.
but i treated you for his mistakes.
and i truly am so sorry for doing so.
look where its gotten me..


I've never been good at trusting a man with my heart.
I've never been good at trusting myself.
i may not be good for nothing.
i may have fucked up, so badly
to the point that if i were you, i'd leave me.
i may have done only one thing right
falling in love with you.

There may be other woman who can move a way i can't.
maybe theres a "she" who would never lie.
maybe her truth would never fail you, she wouldnt eat away at you inside.
she might be beautiful, flawless in fact.
she may have every trait i've yearned for.
hey maybe she'll keep that side of you, i smothered
& you'll finally break free of me.
she'll smile & the room will light up
She'll carry herself with high standards
She can do anything in the world
im nothing compared to her.

I've disrespected us all.
you, me, that girl i was supossed to be.
i've said words to you, i wish never existed.
i've thrown myself into this cluster of characteristics.
who is this?
i know you thought i'd be that one who was "different"
how different?
this different?
&for that i've failed you once more.
i've blamed you, because im ashamed of myself.
i've taught myself how to live a lie.
to lead you on, but break you inside.

that girl would never do that to you..
&you'll find her  ;i promise.
maybe she'll sweep you right off your feet.
maybe you'll be breathless after one kiss.
out of control, your emotions ya know..
she'll put me to shame.
 but somewhere underneath of it all,
i've found the light.
i'm done with the back &forth
the wrong &"whos right?"
remember i used to be that girl..
&i forgot her for a while.
somewhere in the mix,
theres a good reason
for another chance..
because that girl maybe be everything i am not..
but she could never
love you
like me.