free

today i'll be a rebel,paint my face happy but my nails black;
look at me once because i never look back.
stare if you want to, it changes me none;
be my friend if you have to but dont cry when im gone.
i will always leave.

there is no term for it yet; the uncomfort one finds in a situation
or a day to day routine, the hesitant feeling that always haunts me
but it is there.
you cant see it, you cant feel it but its like it hovers over you, chokes you and smothers you.
feel no pity for the girl inside me that swings from the strings,dangling from these things you'd call dreams.
black war paint around my eyes, i open them wide only to see what you blind bats cant see,
the real me.
im an artist, i sing, but i love to draw pictures to describe the stories i write,
tell me, do you too wake with cudi in the night?
do you howl to the man on the moon, to walls in this room.. are you really here with me?
or am i alone how i should be?
some call this style, swag, fashion, glam.. i call it me.
they dress famous while i dress myself, no clothing designer to dress me in wealth
i keep my secrets close, but my ideas are loud.. seeping through my mouth.
its like i speak a different language than these clowns
and suddenly im center stage for being aroused..
im anxious to the thought of being ones self, and its like its against the law.
there is so much depth in this body, in this mind that you cannot see from the outside
and i wish you not to pity me for i pity you for what you are missing out on.
people they get close to me, i only let them get so close to me, but it isn't long until their eyes bleed
and their heart sees the true colors inside of me.
but by the time they get there, theyre color blind.
the colors black and white
no purples, or blues, no reds, no greens
just black and white like old tv's
use your imagination, its there.
just fill in the blanks, i promise i can set you free.

anchors aweigh.

all aboard the mind of an average girl who dreams more than she seeks.
with the wind against her cheeks.
weeds grow through the cracks from under her feet.
she's much prettier as she speaks
adding knowledge to an intelligent conversation
she rather paint pictures than deal with the stresses of dating,
but she wants love.

judged on social networks
the only place others know how to be social
she'd rather live the experience
lets document it later.
She corrects herself when she knows she is wrong.
No longer dealing in absolutes, tomorrow will come
and if not she knows it was worth the run.
she may have not won the marathon, but she felt free.
free enough to journey off to topics they're scared to discuss.
the non believers, the heavy dreamers, the trapped souls who stopped dreaming in all
they all wait for her to fall, mocking mistakes made so small
but she rights her wrongs and she'll continue to walk
down the plank to ocean waters.
diving to her darkest opportunities
she isn't afraid to sing, but she'll hum her whole way there.
"look at this stuff, isnt it neat.. wouldnt you think my 'life' was complete"
but friends have gone,and some were lost though she'll always keep them here
with the experience she shared
some leaving her with tiny words that brought beauty to a gray day
others pushed her closer to the things she was once scared to say.
he said "you cant be afraid to fail."
she took it, she tatted it,and she locked it away.
she still loves him,not much has changed.
she hasn't changed, shes done pretending, instead of playing house the girl inside of her plays life.
it's scary how you think you know someone,but you dont even know what you have inside.

i know she'll be great, you can't see it now
thats okay, she knows she'll be great some how.
her intentions are not to be a threat, not to come off correct but to come off taught
she is still teaching herself what these other facebookers have forgot
people will change, they grow into adults
were not staying kids, no more chasing eachother to base
some are still calling it safe
will it be okay when tomorrow you wake and you've slept past your dreams?
when will your news feed bring you a news flash
were not chasing goals, were chasing cash
tell me "whats REALLY on your mind?"
instead of portraying yourself to be a someone, really.. be.
these words only play into my confession, of being a drama queen
but who said you really know me?
are you really dreaming anyway?
anchors aweigh.