gone.

when i used to close my eyes
i would never imagine us to be here.
but now when my eyelids wrap around
my pupils,hiding reality,stealing away
the truth, i only wish for us to be happy.
finally,happy.
back then,this me was good enough
to keep you convinced that everything would fall into place.
but this me has changed you, and im only wieghing you down.
i don't want to be this me,anymore.
especially if it means not having you.
everyone looks out for themselves,and its only natural that you will too,
i dont blame you.
if this were you, i'd leave you.
you have alot to live for right now,and just like everyone has always said
we ONLY compliment eachother pretty well.
but im not complimenting anything but your success anymore,
and now its with words not with actions.
i don't blame you for feeling like i don't support you
but this may be just me blaming all of this on me.
because im at the point of lost cause,
i have nothing left to do
going days without a real conversation with you
i want nothing more than a relationship we had from the start
but even then we weren't intending to break eachothers hearts
but we have.
now all we have is lost memories, and somewhere in mix
we still love,hard.
but its hard to love when love is hard to find,were losing eachother
im yours,but your not mine.
distance makes it hard to communicate
working against our fate
and i only dream to be close to you again.
i want to be with you, not against you anymore
and it may seem like all i do is bitch,and nag,
and complain,and say you're not good at anything
but in all reality im just bitching because you're not here.
which is not your fault.
please continue to better yourself,
i enjoy watching you through your journey
and you're doing such a great fucking job
thats not sarcasm either.
part of me fell in love with the me i saw inside you.
the me that i wanted to be,ambitious and optomistic
i used to be that me, but didn't have any opportunities
like i have now, and the difference is now im not that me
when the world sits in my hands, i squeeze so hard, my faces
scrunches up and in this little ball i embrace the anger and crush it.
reaching out to everyone for pitty,because they say i play the victim so well.
well i am a victim here, a victim of myself.
and for stringing you along,to suffer, i apologize.
we've never had good time..
our timing has been off from the start
and now we're 105miles apart..
i sit here with this fucked up heart
and wish you'd come back to me.
for what?
what do i offer you that improves you?
the only reason were only good lovers
is bc loving you is the only thing i do
that can benefit you, because you want that too..
but you don't want me doing nothing with myself
and as a friend you don't agree with what im doing
so there goes our friendship, i fucked that up too
im sorry,im trying now,and i really love you.
don't stay gone, because i know i will NOT stay this girl
i have dreams that i got lost in
that i will show the world
and when they all see, i bet you'll smile
"thats my pandagirl"

so thankyou for your support,when you knew i could
and i didn't you never walked away
its not to late
tomorrow is our second year
but most of all a new day.