dreams of the chest.

The cold metal lock was in my hand
I dont you remember, i couldnt find the key.
I would tug at it, and try to find an alternative
I remember you telling me the many things that were stored away inside.
I wanted nothing more but to open the lifeless box.

Everytime i saw you you'd mention another clue to getting inside.
I'd leave a note in my head
Adding the clues, adding the puzzle pieces together
I would open it, and it would simply blow me away.

The warm sun would rest upon my back
The walls around me were strong
soft instruments played for a perfect ending
and that day i held your hand asking for your help.

That day i opened the chest.
When my hand wrapped around the lock, like i was invincible.
The way it felt in my palm, ill never forget.

You told me there were two sides inside of it.
I lifted the lid up, and what i saw i could not believe.
I stumbled over the truth, i pondered over the expectations
what was left before me was never what i imagined.

In my my mind the box full of life was so much more interesting
the things we built together were so alive, and colorful
and looking down at nothing inside of this chest hit me right in mine.
Nothing inside, nothing in you, nothing in me..
and the walls around me start to crumble, to crush me
Our bodies have collided before my eyes, but just that; collide.
I have ran for my life, just to dream of an empty box
full of sweet expectations and nothings.

sail.

Wash away the sour feeling of alone inside my soul,
the timeless sand eating at itself, breaking shells in my ears leaving only silence on my tongue.
Drown me in my fears to see if i come afloat gasping for air to face them,with you.
The salt can shrink my lungs as i scream for the second chances we gave away.
My eyes are open, and i can make out my mistakes, squinting yet i can see them getting closer
and as i keep swimming i find myself still sinking into the memory of the ones I've lost.
Wanting to feel free again,
but trapped under the waters of self destruct.
My fingers like prunes, holding onto the things i love as they melt away into weeds off shore..
the waves are getting bigger,
the tides are getting stronger.. but i ride them till they die down
i ride them long enough to see the end, the sunset..
the birds flocking the sun
chasing the beams along the wet sand
I listen ashore, to the wind pulling at the dunes
to the heat smothering the air leaving holes of emptiness behind
i want to fill them, like the salt water fills my lungs
like my heart fills my chest
i want to fill the deceiving holes of abandoned minds
i want to feel myself float along this life like nothing can ever sink me
with no anchors tied to my ankles
i will wash away.

untitled

simple
no fear, no expectations, no boundaries
its fucking simple.
Theres no me and you just you then me
and its all make believe.
its all what i make it out to be
in my deformed twisted mind, where i want something real
for the first time
i want to really feel it
i want others to really feel it
and not just see it but really fucking feel it
so its simple
so fucking simple, that we can't name it
we can't give it a name
because then it'll grow
we'll have to take care of it
and feed it, water it, watch it
and it wont be so simple.
it will be fucking terrible
it'll breathe, and be full of life, and have goals
and dream dreams, and want its own future
it'll expand and others will befriend it
so itll no longer fucking simple at all
and thats just terrible
so lets not name it
lets call it whatever you want to call it
"talking" "fucking" kind of sort of not so simple is it?
cause theres no expectations, its not so alive anymore is it?
we don't have to call it anything
it is what it fucking is
and its just that
you then me, a title that never worked
a simple fucking task that was pushed onto us both
its not what we thought is it?
so lets name it
"complicated."

selfless.

the girl who runs from her dreams, because shes scared she might fail
the one walking into a room,dripping in a desperate scream for belief..
that girl that you always knew would be something
she loves with all of her heart, she loves too hard
she paints her future with a fragile brush
and she publishes the lyrics of desire.
she is selfless.

breaths of booze.

the cigarette addiction stuck to my teeth,still caught in my lungs
and just a sip or two from my flask cleared my mind in all.
I was in search of a problem that was bigger than me,
to find the things that held me back from what i was meant to be..
the scares of tomorrow tousled in my head; i didn't want to live like this anymore.
was this living at all or simply the act of survival?.. stretching my arms around today to hug tomorrow.
chipped nail polish, and ashes sat in my lap
my past haunted me trying to force me back, but im stronger now.
They all fled from me, in horror.. they all ran for their lives
and what i didn't understand was why they left me behind
they all gave me their reasons, i inhaled the abandoned airs
i felt the empty in my chest get bigger and bigger
again i was hallow,alone and hallow.
No time to be selfish and figure out who i am..
i needed to not feel alone.. just the thought of someone believing i could do this..
i could really live in  my dreams, but now that person looks at me the same.
the lost dark pain in his eyes,the cold doubt on his face
i know what happens after this phase
not him.
not this time.
i wont, i can't.. i won't say goodbye.
my chest is full of life, lap is full of opportunity;
my flask is empty..

they say home where the heart is
my house was never a home for me
my heart resided in my dreams
and not that i can see them clearly but i know theres more to this
the life im living, the life im stuck with
im surrounded by these people that ive found a family in
and ive stil never felt so alone
i walk these streets with no fear of crossing them
i dont bother to look both ways
cause i know either way you look,
theres a strong possibility you wont get a second chance
ive been given way too many chances
and maybe it was me that let them all rot away
until they sat at the bottom of the bag,stale,tasteless.
that could be where i went wrong, and i can look around now
and wonder how bad it has to be to be here
how bad did i have to act to deserve this
the people i call closest to me dont even understand me or where im at mentally
there dreams are all so simple, but i cant figure out myself
who am i?
who is she?
theres far too many parts of me,
and i atleast want to know one of them.

tattoo.

its almost like he can see what I'm thinking,
he can look at my face and read the rest of my story;
I've never had that before.
It's starting to scare me, not so much like a cliche love song to sing along to
but something that i know is poison and i just want to bite into it;only because its in his hands.
I can't explain this feeling, and i don't know if i should
by all means i would never want to put anyone else hopes of romance to shame
but i think i may have found something, in someone that people write about.
I don't think i was ready to find it, the boy who cried wolf was never ready
to face a man slaughtering creature he just wanted to be known for his stories
i guess I've told me share of tall tales too.
I've cried the "I've found love" stories far too many times for anyone to take this time seriously
for granted the past that lingers behind me has been a rough road, but this time i know it's different.
I still expect the worse, but before i hoped it wouldn't happen
and now me and him, we talk about it happening, something so realistic can still be beautiful;right?
something so raw,and so close to the heart has to be worth more than the authentic love story.
It's almost like my old life, throwing myself at strangers, seeking attention in damaged men seems irrational.
Like it all hasn't been erased but has been used to get me here
i keep telling him "my past was practice" and he laughs, his cheesy laugh
but he still knows I'm serious.
I don't know whats worse, the fact that he knows hes going to hurt me
or the fact that i know I'm going to let him.
Maybe even the part where we lay side by side in the dark making shapes of each others faces
trying to decide if we should hurt each other now or wait to kill each other later.
My best friend would never hurt me, at least not intentionally, but us humans can't help who we hurt
I found myself writing about the word  "hate"
"you can't hate someone unless you've had the chance to love them, and if you're capable of loving then why would you waste your energy on such a selfish emotion as hate."
but i know i could never hate him
i used to think "We found love" by Rihanna was our song,even after he told me who it reminded him of
but now when i write all of this, it sounds like Rihanna was looking to capture something much more powerful than a powerless relationship between a hopeless boy and a helpless girl.
i love you.

insomnia.

A girl can dream can't she?
I close my eyes and I'm in his car riding shotty
feel the wind against my right cheek
feel like nothing in the world can touch me.
To know hes smiling cause he's happy, to feel like we finally made it;
Because this is what dreams are made of and if your dreams don't scare you they aren't big enough.
Dream big or go back to sleep, who said night mares can't turn into reality
..and my worst fear is not becoming all i can,
i told him we'll get there even if i have to die in this bed...
we always saw the same things when we closed our eyes
;but they say the greatest accomplishments take too much time.
Fuck the clocks on these walls.
Fuck trying too hard;
cause if you aren't killing yourself trying, you're not trying at all.
don't wake a girl when shes dreaming
a girl can dream, can't she?

candy coated chlorophyll.

unwrap it because you want a taste
a sweet sensation of the poison bubbling on your taste buds
savoring each swallow of saliva that puddles your tongue.
As you suck out the unsanitary toxicans, the sweet but tasteless coats of apologies surround the last bite
you come to taste the sugar coat around the outside
almost complimenting the delicate sour core to the candy you've slipped into your mouth
the sugar always apologizes to its victim,and the chlorophyll will peacefully release you
almost as if it wants you to feel used, and needed all in the same *crunch*
as your teeth bite through the middle of its last flavorless punch.
you'll almost wish you never unwrapped it
but  either way the curiosity kills its prey
so savor it,the useless piece of fucking candy
that you shouldn't have opened but ate anyway.

we all struggle under these same skies
and no matter how hard it gets the stars will still shine
the moon always rises
and the sun will always blind you
they say to keep your eyes ahead of you and your past behind you
but how do you leave your past behind when it made you who you are
in all experiences, in all actions, in all lessons learnedwe heal our wounds by those we have hurt.

i don't need anyone to believe.

The weights on my shoulders are something a grown man can't lift
I'm floating through the clouds with a icebox in my chest
so nothing can stop me because none of it hurts
fly with my broken wings before i end up in the dirt
holes in my knees,grass stains on my pants
everything i used to be turned me into what i am
and what i need more than anything is someone else to believe;
because the only person who sees what i see is me.
When i get there they'll pretend they all saw it the whole time
and i'll laugh in their face cause they cracked jokes in mine
so fuck what they said, and fuck what they think
i'll be in my dreams making a subconscious reality
I don't know how long it'll take
I don't know if they'll live to see it
But i hope they do.
I'm so strange compared to these human beings,
these zombies, they live for next week
but in my mind the only thing that exists is today.
There is no tomorrow, there is no success
because its really only what you make of it.
if its clear i'll drink it as long as it takes me away
if its rolled ill smoke it and document a note for the day
Am i the only one that lives in the moment?
Can we just live?
who the fuck are you to tell me who i am? 

pocket full of ashes,we all fall down.

Its the summer, and I'm sitting in my car again. The place i always end up when things seem to be falling apart, it never fails, sitting in here all alone thinking of all the wrong turns and then somehow those turn lead me here again. Smoking this black,seeing how many times i can hit it before i drop the ash,wondering what i did to deserve all that comes to me.. but maybe I'm just playing stupid, maybe i always do make an excuse for it, maybe i always pretend i did nothing at all, i play dumb like i never seen all of them fall,ashes to ashes they all fall down,and i lead them on until they're heartless, i make them hold hands and go in theses circles because I'm the one scared to be alone. I don't know want i want or where i want to go, i just play ring around the rosey just because.

new project day 6

"They say you can't fly unless you let yourself fall,so i was expecting to take flight soon,I've let myself fall the simplest things, i could feel myself fall everyday."

I lived in a house of strangers, but ironically i called it home. I had a few friends that i considered "real" and the rest of them i lost along the way, but i was stronger now, stronger than i was when i lost my friend in 2008, stronger than when i found out my ex cheated on me, or when i realized my dad didn't love me, or even when i seen my old "best friend" say the worst things someone has every said about me. All of those things were in my past, i didn't let them control me, or break me.. they just made me who i have became; but who was that? My whole life chasing my own dreams seemed to get boring after i talked out loud about them, i tried out school, and i didn't care for it much. The only thing i did like to do is talk, and really that's what I was known for. i was always the friend that told the other one what to say back to her boyfriend who was about to break up with her, or the one telling someone what they need to do to live right, but what did i have to show for me? I knew I'd show them something, but not many people wanted to stick around long enough for me to find it myself. Eventually all the ones who i initially wanted to prove myself to ended up being the motivation to get there quicker.

new project. day 5

"I don't know if he lived for music, or if the music lived in him, the only thing i knew for sure was that the day they meant his world would be so different."

I knew him for a while and between my toxic past and my unplanned future i never considered taking him seriously, but now that i did i felt like i was getting to know a whole new him. We always had that weird good communication thing between us, and sometimes i even got "you're like a female version of him" but i knew while we had many similarities we were also very different. All i wanted now was to help him get back where he needed to be, someone with so much passion, someone with the same beliefs and intentions as me, a person that really wanted to live and not just "get by" .. i knew that's what i needed to do. We could put Drake and Wiz on repeat but I'd rather hear him, because even without a stupid title on our shitty social networks where everyone thought they knew us, i would be there for him as his friend. He needed to make it, that's the only way his story ended. No matter where the night took us, how many drinks we had, how much smoke was in our lungs we always ended up intertwined in my twin bed. I was dizzy as shit,and he was already sleeping but the pictures on my wall reminded me that he was my new years kiss.

new project. Day 4

"They say beauty lies within,but fuck what they say."

Its hard for me to be happy, honestly i don't if I have ever felt happy. What is happy and why does everyone want to be it? Who made happy, i guess if i believed in god today i could leave that to him.. but who doesn't believe in god? It never made sense to me, how us zombies worked our 9 to 5, how we attended church on
Sundays and all lived behind a picket fence in a "free" country. How you were looked at like a lazy fuck if you didn't want to work a slave shift and try to strive for things we thought we could make possible, but it made sense to him. Everyone already looked at me that way, "she has so much potential, and shes just wasting it" "Shes good at everything but what is she good for?" None of these assholes wanted to know me, its like they thought they already did, and as i sipped my glass of wine and crossed my legs i stared up to the ceiling fan from my floor, "but i guess its good to know i'm not alone."

new project day 3

"We could only laugh when things fell apart, because we were falling together and we knew when we got there we'd look back at these times like we were never alive."

I came from some fucked up places, the things i did for money in the past was secretly haunting me, it seemed like my only choice but he told me to hold on. I kept holding for what seemed like forever, the days passed by so slowly because our nights went by so fast. When you're sober it feels like all you think about is getting fucked up, and not just because you hate being sober but because life seems okay when you're not. I told him i loved him and closed my eyes, my head was in my favorite place on his chest, and i knew he wouldn't sleep. I left my phone in my purse, i never charged the damn thing but it didn't matter i had too much to think about. I wish someone could feel the way i felt, the pressure squeezing me, choking me from behind i couldn't face it, i could only feel it. I tried explaining myself to him that night,but things never came out exactly how i wanted them to. It was 12:03a.m. and that night we read our horoscopes before we woke up.

new project. Day 2

"We danced in the chaos to feel no pain,intoxicated, under the influence.. inhaling flames."


We found some way to get another bottle, tonight was a clear night.. no money for a chaser.
We held our breath and hoped all the bad things would just disappear but the longer we held our breathe the worse things became. He offered to drive tonight, and usually it was me driving us every where.. but on some special occasions he played a fair game. The music was loud, and the windows were down as we sped under the flickering street lights. I closed my eyes, and put my hand out the window feeling the summer air, my other hand was in his. These are the times my Mom would refer to me as "irresponsible" or my other friends never understood, the times where im completely quiet, feelings nothing, but knowing i am free.
I felt alive, it was a while since i felt that way, and somewhere in my head i thought to myself
"this is what ive been waiting on."

new project. day1

"With a pocket of dreams, and no one who believes."

We had time to waste so we sat in my car for what felt like a few hours, talking about life and occasionally asking ourselves how us two emotionally disturbed, cold hearted assholes ended up together.. but we never asked out loud. I would look at him while he stared off and planned his dreams, and organized them into small piles in his mind; the possible, the happening, the impossible, and the i know i can do it piles. I laughed to myself wondering why he didn't believe in himself the way i did, but again i never spoke out loud about that either.. i guess you can call me a coward,I've certainly got it before.

"How did i get here?"
"Why do i make stupid decisions?"
"Does he really think we can do this?"
I hope so.

ressurection.

let these ocean waters that we danced in wash you away,
let them drown your lies and the memory of your face.
Stay gone from my mind and clear from my brain.

I've loved so childishly,a child himself
a leo in destruction, a boy chasing his dreams.

Every single moment we've spent lying next to eachother crafting our sentences
making them sound exactly how they were supposed to sound
we lied under stars on a dead ground.

afloat in a dangerous sky wrapped in silk sheets of wasted cries
i cried out to you and you'd thrust your hips
reach out and run your fingers on my lips
look me in the eyes and make me feel it was real
but i was too numb to feel.

An excellent actor,plastered smiles in his pockets
but after so long its hard to keep going

I close my eyes and i can smell the salty air
I can feel the sand beneath my feet
swimming through the thick waves of novocane
racing to build our castles to watch them fall
because in the end I'm ressurecting a person i never knew at all.

sabotage

I'm stuck here where i have always been
between the dreams and ambition
between the wall and a hard place
but i'm done with the pitty party because eventually no one ever shows
i'm left sitting alone in the corner feeling sorry for myself
knowing damn well i never sent the invites because i was too lazy
i had no interest in communicating or putting out work to do so
and i just expect them all to show up with their party favors
to get me out of here
to get me out and help me stop feeling bad for myself
but i know now its something i have to do for myself
and then maybe we can throw a party to celebrate all that i've done
i mean they all say i can do it
then why am i just now believing them?
either i haven't wanted to hear it
or this one is just really convincing and didn't need an invite.
If I'm capable of so much now and I'm only sitting still,
can you imagine what i'll be.
no more self sabotage for me.

i am pheonix.

I am a pheonix, bright and beautiful

strong but distraught in the in my own disturbed thoughts.

I can fly to heights you've never even dreamed of you pitiful human being,

you can throw your rocks, and take aim but i will fly again

i am a pheonix, bright and beautiful

and you've seeped your way in through the cracks

stripping my colorful feathers, you've given me gray but i take the gray and create a different shade

because i am only what i am in the mess that you made,

i will stay strong and i will soar on watching from a distance.

See i was once convinced that landing for you was the right thing to do,

you distracted me with your S.O.S so i flew in to save you and stranded me instead

but dont you know how pathetic you look standing next to me, such a open minded creature near a boring human being

you are nothing.

you were nothing.

you try to twist my words,and hit me where it hurts, but it never hurts because i always move foward

look at me spread my wings, and fly circles around your head while she lies in your bed under your cover of lies

i feel bad for her baby,i do

because while your doing her, im flying for you.

you threw your rocks,you tried your best

hit me where it hurts,but i sucked the heart from your chest.

and now i am a pheonix.

well.

So usually i congest rhymes, and emotions into my writing but today i think i'll just vent.. get it all of my chest and let it out; talking to yourself is only bad if you answer.. and who ever made that rule has made me feel unacceptably challenged.

The human race scares me, in fact the human race freaks me the hell out. Such soft flourishing layers of skin,and so much going on inside, that no one can see unless you tell them about it, unless you relay that message with words that you can barely find half of the time so others will misconceive the ideas twisted in your disturbed mind and perceive you to be this monstrous being that you really wish you were. I'd probably have more friends if i didn't try so hard to relay those messages, i think i scare everyone away.. but hey who needs friends,right? My mind is such a scary place, and honestly i think im saving people from having night mares by keeping those thoughts to myself. Isn't it crazy how much one person can go through throughout their lifetime? Whether it be one big traumatic experience, or a series of just bad luck followed by small incidents that confuse the hell out of them and have them misunderstanding themselves all together. I've been through both, and im still here.. blogging away like i have nothing to do today, like there are no heavy weights lying on my chest, making it harder to breath and keeping me from loving someone the way i am capable, because i am a human being that hasn't stopped dreaming. I refuse to become another zombie so focused on my nine to five that i forget that life doesn't just happen, so we can "find out who we are and what were made to do" i believe that life is about CREATING yourself and making the image to clear to everyone around you that they no longer have to ask "so how do you feel about that?"

It's hard being such an opinionated person,honestly it fucking sucks.. seems like everyone has something to say,fingers to point and questions to ask.. but what they don't understand is im willing to answer those questions all day.. even if i can't find the right answers. I take pride in who i am, and i won't anyone stop me.. because even if i don't know what i want to be "when i grow up" or where i want to be or who i want to be with i know that no matter where life takes me i will never stop dreaming. Life is bigger than you,and we were sent here to figure that out.. the faster you realize you cannot control other people or their thought process,you cannot make them love you or treat you with respect the easier the ride gets.. When i was younger and i watched those movies that had the cheesy genies in it, and he granted an ungrateful child three wishes, i already knew the things he couldn't wish for ; 1.you cannot make someone love someone else 2.you cannot change anyone 3.you cannot change the world but you know what you could wish for to be the best that YOU could be,when people stop comparing themselves to others they'll start to realize they have so much more time on their hands, and they could possibly use that time to create themselves, if our generation had a quote to describe us it'd probably be "YOLO"(you only live once) and i think its pretty ironic that this quote "You only live once,but if you do it right.. once is enough" has been around for years before us.. i wish there were more open minds like me. It's so hard to connect with people who only hear what they want to hear.. it's like everyone has a filter on and can only pick up certain pieces of information from a conversation. How do you communicate with these individuals? you don't. You start thinking there is no one else like me, and then you become in denial, feel alone or abandoned and then you come around you wake up one day and you realize its not so bad (speaking from experience here) because WHY in the HELL would you want to find another person like you? This is why people go through so many friends, you can't keep comparing what your friends decide to do over what you would do.. people come from different places, there is NO ONE like you. It is crazy when you find someone extremely similar though? right, that person thinks the same things at the same time, or wants the same thing from life.. does this mean you're supposed to trap this person suck all of the knowledge you can from them on this deserted planet and leave them lifeless so you can continue your journey;no. People need to stop mistreating one another.. You know i love Kanye, he is a fucking genius and one thing he says is ; Being used is not a bad thing, its being misused, or abused.. because if someone couldn't use you, you'd be USE-less. Makes sense to me.. makes a whole hell of a lot of sense to me actually. I want people to USE me, not to suck me dry but to be able to step into my shoes for a good 5-10 minutes and enjoy how my brain has been filter on this disturbing island that we kind of have just come up with in theory. I'm not that smart, i just like to observe people through that filter that i have had and i realize i cannot hold grudges over the people who have hurt me, that doesn't mean i don't dislike them for a period of time but i cannot dwell over it forever. I get jealous, i get sarcastic, i want to hit people from time to time but more than anything i just want to communicate with them and find out WHY. There is clearly a reason for everything and behind that reason is another reason and etc. ... doesn't that scare the shit out of you? it scares me, just like pie in math scared me, im intimidated by it, there are some people who would sit there with a stupid calculator all day trying to figure how long the damn number is in my math class and then there was me writing shit like this on the back of my "do now" i want to figure out life, and the people in it.. and if you're not riding with me then i can ride solo.. but either way i think i was sent here to figure that out. There is NO ONE like me, and i wouldn't want it any other way.

young rebels.

we ran from the wind,afraid to let it touch us.
our souls leaked through our seems,and bursted through the sewing.
but now i'm drifting.
yes,i'm tumbling down the avenue looking for the one person i thought was you
and its not you.
i play the images in my mind,with the filter shuffled
the noises of waves crashes against your lungs,just swim through my veins.
and i'll drown the emotions of emptiness
lets blame it on our signs, when mercury meets the sun and the tides become strong we'll dive into this blindly like the rebels we once were.
but do the planets orbit the ball of fire in your eyes?
or do they simply struggle from the pull of the power surrounding the beams?
you say it was like fire torching us then, and i know we eventually burn.
ashes to ashes,and now i sniff the dust.
left in a corner with a fist full of lust
us young rebels were the gravitational pull on this movement of love
but now the love seeps through the pools of beliefs.

free

today i'll be a rebel,paint my face happy but my nails black;
look at me once because i never look back.
stare if you want to, it changes me none;
be my friend if you have to but dont cry when im gone.
i will always leave.

there is no term for it yet; the uncomfort one finds in a situation
or a day to day routine, the hesitant feeling that always haunts me
but it is there.
you cant see it, you cant feel it but its like it hovers over you, chokes you and smothers you.
feel no pity for the girl inside me that swings from the strings,dangling from these things you'd call dreams.
black war paint around my eyes, i open them wide only to see what you blind bats cant see,
the real me.
im an artist, i sing, but i love to draw pictures to describe the stories i write,
tell me, do you too wake with cudi in the night?
do you howl to the man on the moon, to walls in this room.. are you really here with me?
or am i alone how i should be?
some call this style, swag, fashion, glam.. i call it me.
they dress famous while i dress myself, no clothing designer to dress me in wealth
i keep my secrets close, but my ideas are loud.. seeping through my mouth.
its like i speak a different language than these clowns
and suddenly im center stage for being aroused..
im anxious to the thought of being ones self, and its like its against the law.
there is so much depth in this body, in this mind that you cannot see from the outside
and i wish you not to pity me for i pity you for what you are missing out on.
people they get close to me, i only let them get so close to me, but it isn't long until their eyes bleed
and their heart sees the true colors inside of me.
but by the time they get there, theyre color blind.
the colors black and white
no purples, or blues, no reds, no greens
just black and white like old tv's
use your imagination, its there.
just fill in the blanks, i promise i can set you free.

anchors aweigh.

all aboard the mind of an average girl who dreams more than she seeks.
with the wind against her cheeks.
weeds grow through the cracks from under her feet.
she's much prettier as she speaks
adding knowledge to an intelligent conversation
she rather paint pictures than deal with the stresses of dating,
but she wants love.

judged on social networks
the only place others know how to be social
she'd rather live the experience
lets document it later.
She corrects herself when she knows she is wrong.
No longer dealing in absolutes, tomorrow will come
and if not she knows it was worth the run.
she may have not won the marathon, but she felt free.
free enough to journey off to topics they're scared to discuss.
the non believers, the heavy dreamers, the trapped souls who stopped dreaming in all
they all wait for her to fall, mocking mistakes made so small
but she rights her wrongs and she'll continue to walk
down the plank to ocean waters.
diving to her darkest opportunities
she isn't afraid to sing, but she'll hum her whole way there.
"look at this stuff, isnt it neat.. wouldnt you think my 'life' was complete"
but friends have gone,and some were lost though she'll always keep them here
with the experience she shared
some leaving her with tiny words that brought beauty to a gray day
others pushed her closer to the things she was once scared to say.
he said "you cant be afraid to fail."
she took it, she tatted it,and she locked it away.
she still loves him,not much has changed.
she hasn't changed, shes done pretending, instead of playing house the girl inside of her plays life.
it's scary how you think you know someone,but you dont even know what you have inside.

i know she'll be great, you can't see it now
thats okay, she knows she'll be great some how.
her intentions are not to be a threat, not to come off correct but to come off taught
she is still teaching herself what these other facebookers have forgot
people will change, they grow into adults
were not staying kids, no more chasing eachother to base
some are still calling it safe
will it be okay when tomorrow you wake and you've slept past your dreams?
when will your news feed bring you a news flash
were not chasing goals, were chasing cash
tell me "whats REALLY on your mind?"
instead of portraying yourself to be a someone, really.. be.
these words only play into my confession, of being a drama queen
but who said you really know me?
are you really dreaming anyway?
anchors aweigh.