When we pulled onto her street i felt a flash of heat flow through my body, I was nervous. By now she stretched her arms to the front of the cap to point to the sidewalk where the man would park. The cab came to a stop and I unfastened my seat belt. I grabbed my duffel bag and my laptop and opened the door. The air smelled like tomatoes, almost like a spicy pizza sauce. It reminded me of the pizza shop that was a few streets down from my home while growing up. She handed the cab driver the money, and closed the door behind her. She smiled her crooked smile and turned to the rundown building with the brick walls that stood in front of us.The sun was just setting, i looked up at group of pigeons balancing on a cable wire that ran from one building to the next. I followed her as she walked forward, her backpack rest on her small shoulders. She looked tired.
"I nodded off huh?", she chuckled "Well here we are! We can go in and get you settled and then stop by the pizza place on the corner and grab some food, I'm starving!"
I walked around the bags of trash that lay on the city sidewalk, making my way up the steps that led to her front door. "Sounds good to me, I'm pretty hungry too, you live here alone?" I asked.
"Yep, all alone, sad huh? I'm eight-teen with nothing better to do than eat, and watch sobbing movies about lousy husbands and ghost stories!" i nodded my head, as we both laughed at how addicting those movies really were. She took out her keys and opened the second door to our right, we climbed another flight of steps. My legs were just starting to burn as i noticed a pile of mail at the top of the steps and a bouquet of flowers that look to been lying there for quite some time. She pressed her bottom lip to her upper lip and put down her bags. She gathered her mail and pushed the flowers to the far side of the door. As she got up i handed her the bags that she'd been lugging around all day, she put the key in all three locks and finally opened the door. "Ahh, home sweet home", she murmured, "you know i feel like I'm never here, I'm always so damn busy!" I looked at her with my brow raised, and agreed "I'd say from the looks of it, it seems like you're TOO busy!"
Her apartment smelled of cinnamon and fresh scented shampoo. It was tight, but cozy, it was pretty nice for a college student's income. There was a wooden table that leaned to the side in the right corner. Two white chairs were pushed in on both sides of the table. A candle sat in the middle surrounded by envelopes, folded papers, and magazines.The small kitchen was directly in front of me, very plain white and blue, with very little counter space. The sink was in the far left corner next to a smaller white refrigerator, a few magnets clung to the middle. One held a picture of two little boys, i couldn't read most of the inscription from where i was standing, but i could make out the words "miss you." How ironic, here i am with with someone I've been missing out on for sixteen years, and those people in the picture probably seen her last month. Miss her? They've got no idea what it means to miss someone. I stood next to the plaid couch, a few blankets were thrown over both arms. a small area rug lied underneath me, it was a dark navy blue, almost black. The color you kind of had to stare at a while and figure out if you were color blind or not. The color of the ocean at night, the color i saw when i thought of winter, the color of the jeans her mother and i shared in the ninth grade. There were so many things about this room that put my mind at ease. Things were falling into place, the world was moving on, but i knew in my heart i still never accepted it, i hadn't moved on and i wasn't okay with that. To me she never died. She wasn't dead. I closed my eyes, and smiled at the memory of the sweet scent she wore on her neck, that she also sprayed on her wrist. The spray that came with the butterfly tattoos, with the big butterfly cap that twisted on. I never did forget that smell.
"Well there's a a bathroom past the kitchen, down the hall. Your cool with sleeping on the couch right? It pulls out into a nice comfy bed and i have thousands of pillows so you can sleep as long and heavy as you want", she paused,"and uh you can go on the rooftop if you need some privacy, its a nice little loft you can sit and type, work on some articles, its all uh up to you, just get comfortable, make yourself at home." That's just how i felt, like i was home. Finally after running from house, to house I finally felt at home with a complete stranger.
"Thats great, thank you so much, I will make myself at home, and im sure i won't be visiting the loft on the rooftop, you and I have too much catching up to do!" I said while smiling. She looked at me with her crystal blue eyes, that were shaped like the half moon that hung in the sky. She was beautiful, just the way i remembered her, and every time i looked at her it left more and more questions in my mind. When did she find out who her mother was? Does she even know what really happened? Was I wrong for wanting to hold her, like i did sixteen yeas ago. I asked myself these questions every time i looked into her eyes. You could almost see right through them, so clear, but i know that what lied beneath them was much deeper and darker than how it appeared, i just wanted to know more. How deep, how dark? How long?
She pulled her pink backpack from of the ground where she'd been sorting her mail, bills in one pile, junk in another, and one letter in a pile all by itself. It was a white envelope with a small heart on it that said her name in cursive. It looked like a woman's handwriting, and it had no return address. I was still working on this minding my own business thing, so i didn't ask. Some things are left better unknown. I took a small black notebook out of my bag and handed it to her. "Do me a favor, write your name, your age and then sign it for me." She looked at me like i was crazy, but with her free spirit she grab it from my hand took a pen from her backpack and signed her name at the top of the small lined page, and followed with printing her name and details. She laughed as she handed the book back and put the pen behind her ear. "Am I allowed to ask questions?" she said while walking toward the kitchen.
"Well too late huh?", I laughed," yes of course your allowed to ask questions i wouldn't sign my name on anything without knowing the purpose first, so don't be afraid to ask anything. I'm sure your pretty curious as to why i asked you to do that, but you should know it's for nothing important just my own personal keeping. Just proof, to remind me.
She turned to me from the fridge, with a blank look on her face. "Proof?"
"Yes I know", I said, "sounds silly, but if one day something were to happen I would need something to remind me right?"
"Okay, I guess i can understand, I mean hopefully if something were to happen we'd still be keeping contact so you wouldn't need much to remind you, I'd be there" I smiled at her, this was going to be a great weekend, and i was beginning to think we were making better friends within every minute that past. I sat on the couch, tossed the small book in my bag and pushed my bag aside, kicked off my shoes and rested my legs on the other arm of the couch. I closed my eyes with the smile still plastered on my face. Home, this is definitely the closest I'll ever be to home.
