stronger.

intoxication,flirtatious,
this is not my style.
yet i sit here and play the part extremely well.
numbers in my phone, so i don't feel alone
but when i wake up without you i go through hell.
This is not my fault, in fact i'm not sure if its yours either.
i think its just called life, lets blame it on life.
Drowning this lump in my throat until i can't spell the word sober,
and when its all done i wake eventually with no intentions of speaking to you.
but i do..
or at least i try,
i wonder how you're handling this so well.
responsibilities, cling to me, and it gets a bit easier to cope.
preoccupied with decisions to make for myself..
i wish you could see how good im doing,finally.
i wish you were here to tell me you're proud.
Two years of the same shit,the same friendship
two years of loving no one else..
not even myself
and its hard to admit
only because i want you to think its easy for me..
but i really do miss you.
i miss my friend,my "soul-mate"
the one i'd fight for until death
but now I've revived myself, because that was only the death of me
i'm living in your dreams,
i'm breathing in what seems unreal.
but this is as real as it gets
and tears disappear under my chin
writing this, hoping you'll read it
hoping you've thought of me lately
hoping you  will call, because i miss you voice.
but at this point all i can do is hope.
there's no other choices i have left to make but those that will benefit me.
i turned cold, now i shiver
i turned numb, and i left you alone.
but now i'm scared because i haven't cried in such a long time
who am i?
the emotional girl, is not emotionless
and she gags at the thought of you moving on
but she holds still
waiting for you to realize
waiting for you to ask
wondering where you've been
the emotionally emotionless me is strong.