sail.

Wash away the sour feeling of alone inside my soul,
the timeless sand eating at itself, breaking shells in my ears leaving only silence on my tongue.
Drown me in my fears to see if i come afloat gasping for air to face them,with you.
The salt can shrink my lungs as i scream for the second chances we gave away.
My eyes are open, and i can make out my mistakes, squinting yet i can see them getting closer
and as i keep swimming i find myself still sinking into the memory of the ones I've lost.
Wanting to feel free again,
but trapped under the waters of self destruct.
My fingers like prunes, holding onto the things i love as they melt away into weeds off shore..
the waves are getting bigger,
the tides are getting stronger.. but i ride them till they die down
i ride them long enough to see the end, the sunset..
the birds flocking the sun
chasing the beams along the wet sand
I listen ashore, to the wind pulling at the dunes
to the heat smothering the air leaving holes of emptiness behind
i want to fill them, like the salt water fills my lungs
like my heart fills my chest
i want to fill the deceiving holes of abandoned minds
i want to feel myself float along this life like nothing can ever sink me
with no anchors tied to my ankles
i will wash away.

untitled

simple
no fear, no expectations, no boundaries
its fucking simple.
Theres no me and you just you then me
and its all make believe.
its all what i make it out to be
in my deformed twisted mind, where i want something real
for the first time
i want to really feel it
i want others to really feel it
and not just see it but really fucking feel it
so its simple
so fucking simple, that we can't name it
we can't give it a name
because then it'll grow
we'll have to take care of it
and feed it, water it, watch it
and it wont be so simple.
it will be fucking terrible
it'll breathe, and be full of life, and have goals
and dream dreams, and want its own future
it'll expand and others will befriend it
so itll no longer fucking simple at all
and thats just terrible
so lets not name it
lets call it whatever you want to call it
"talking" "fucking" kind of sort of not so simple is it?
cause theres no expectations, its not so alive anymore is it?
we don't have to call it anything
it is what it fucking is
and its just that
you then me, a title that never worked
a simple fucking task that was pushed onto us both
its not what we thought is it?
so lets name it
"complicated."

selfless.

the girl who runs from her dreams, because shes scared she might fail
the one walking into a room,dripping in a desperate scream for belief..
that girl that you always knew would be something
she loves with all of her heart, she loves too hard
she paints her future with a fragile brush
and she publishes the lyrics of desire.
she is selfless.

breaths of booze.

the cigarette addiction stuck to my teeth,still caught in my lungs
and just a sip or two from my flask cleared my mind in all.
I was in search of a problem that was bigger than me,
to find the things that held me back from what i was meant to be..
the scares of tomorrow tousled in my head; i didn't want to live like this anymore.
was this living at all or simply the act of survival?.. stretching my arms around today to hug tomorrow.
chipped nail polish, and ashes sat in my lap
my past haunted me trying to force me back, but im stronger now.
They all fled from me, in horror.. they all ran for their lives
and what i didn't understand was why they left me behind
they all gave me their reasons, i inhaled the abandoned airs
i felt the empty in my chest get bigger and bigger
again i was hallow,alone and hallow.
No time to be selfish and figure out who i am..
i needed to not feel alone.. just the thought of someone believing i could do this..
i could really live in  my dreams, but now that person looks at me the same.
the lost dark pain in his eyes,the cold doubt on his face
i know what happens after this phase
not him.
not this time.
i wont, i can't.. i won't say goodbye.
my chest is full of life, lap is full of opportunity;
my flask is empty..