well.

So usually i congest rhymes, and emotions into my writing but today i think i'll just vent.. get it all of my chest and let it out; talking to yourself is only bad if you answer.. and who ever made that rule has made me feel unacceptably challenged.

The human race scares me, in fact the human race freaks me the hell out. Such soft flourishing layers of skin,and so much going on inside, that no one can see unless you tell them about it, unless you relay that message with words that you can barely find half of the time so others will misconceive the ideas twisted in your disturbed mind and perceive you to be this monstrous being that you really wish you were. I'd probably have more friends if i didn't try so hard to relay those messages, i think i scare everyone away.. but hey who needs friends,right? My mind is such a scary place, and honestly i think im saving people from having night mares by keeping those thoughts to myself. Isn't it crazy how much one person can go through throughout their lifetime? Whether it be one big traumatic experience, or a series of just bad luck followed by small incidents that confuse the hell out of them and have them misunderstanding themselves all together. I've been through both, and im still here.. blogging away like i have nothing to do today, like there are no heavy weights lying on my chest, making it harder to breath and keeping me from loving someone the way i am capable, because i am a human being that hasn't stopped dreaming. I refuse to become another zombie so focused on my nine to five that i forget that life doesn't just happen, so we can "find out who we are and what were made to do" i believe that life is about CREATING yourself and making the image to clear to everyone around you that they no longer have to ask "so how do you feel about that?"

It's hard being such an opinionated person,honestly it fucking sucks.. seems like everyone has something to say,fingers to point and questions to ask.. but what they don't understand is im willing to answer those questions all day.. even if i can't find the right answers. I take pride in who i am, and i won't anyone stop me.. because even if i don't know what i want to be "when i grow up" or where i want to be or who i want to be with i know that no matter where life takes me i will never stop dreaming. Life is bigger than you,and we were sent here to figure that out.. the faster you realize you cannot control other people or their thought process,you cannot make them love you or treat you with respect the easier the ride gets.. When i was younger and i watched those movies that had the cheesy genies in it, and he granted an ungrateful child three wishes, i already knew the things he couldn't wish for ; 1.you cannot make someone love someone else 2.you cannot change anyone 3.you cannot change the world but you know what you could wish for to be the best that YOU could be,when people stop comparing themselves to others they'll start to realize they have so much more time on their hands, and they could possibly use that time to create themselves, if our generation had a quote to describe us it'd probably be "YOLO"(you only live once) and i think its pretty ironic that this quote "You only live once,but if you do it right.. once is enough" has been around for years before us.. i wish there were more open minds like me. It's so hard to connect with people who only hear what they want to hear.. it's like everyone has a filter on and can only pick up certain pieces of information from a conversation. How do you communicate with these individuals? you don't. You start thinking there is no one else like me, and then you become in denial, feel alone or abandoned and then you come around you wake up one day and you realize its not so bad (speaking from experience here) because WHY in the HELL would you want to find another person like you? This is why people go through so many friends, you can't keep comparing what your friends decide to do over what you would do.. people come from different places, there is NO ONE like you. It is crazy when you find someone extremely similar though? right, that person thinks the same things at the same time, or wants the same thing from life.. does this mean you're supposed to trap this person suck all of the knowledge you can from them on this deserted planet and leave them lifeless so you can continue your journey;no. People need to stop mistreating one another.. You know i love Kanye, he is a fucking genius and one thing he says is ; Being used is not a bad thing, its being misused, or abused.. because if someone couldn't use you, you'd be USE-less. Makes sense to me.. makes a whole hell of a lot of sense to me actually. I want people to USE me, not to suck me dry but to be able to step into my shoes for a good 5-10 minutes and enjoy how my brain has been filter on this disturbing island that we kind of have just come up with in theory. I'm not that smart, i just like to observe people through that filter that i have had and i realize i cannot hold grudges over the people who have hurt me, that doesn't mean i don't dislike them for a period of time but i cannot dwell over it forever. I get jealous, i get sarcastic, i want to hit people from time to time but more than anything i just want to communicate with them and find out WHY. There is clearly a reason for everything and behind that reason is another reason and etc. ... doesn't that scare the shit out of you? it scares me, just like pie in math scared me, im intimidated by it, there are some people who would sit there with a stupid calculator all day trying to figure how long the damn number is in my math class and then there was me writing shit like this on the back of my "do now" i want to figure out life, and the people in it.. and if you're not riding with me then i can ride solo.. but either way i think i was sent here to figure that out. There is NO ONE like me, and i wouldn't want it any other way.