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I'm really into this, seriously into this.

When these songs play that remind me of her, i get real into it.

I can't explain what comes over me, so many emotions all at once.

that knot in my throat like i could cry, a smile on my face, and i always close my eyes to see her.

if only i could just really see her smile at me again.

thinking of it, it always makes me cry.

knowing exactly what her ringtone on her phone was,probably rang off the hook.

knowing all the things that made her happy,its so painful.

everyone looks at me like im searching or pitty, but i promise thats the last i want.

i just want my friend back for one minute, i want to understand.. i want to see and hear what she experienced in that split last instant of her life. 

its hard to picture her in such anger, in such a helpless situation.

where is she now?

has she accepted what i cant bring myself to know.

does she sit with me at night, laughing at my ignorance.

so many memories, and i'm so emotional.

ive lost so many people, why does he keep me here?

what am i doing right?

i dont deserve this, this staying here just frustrated and confused.

but niether would she.

when its for real its forever, she's always told me that.

forever is such a long time.

but i swear ill write about her forever, and ever.

i want to share with the world what i know; such beauty found in one person.

so much pain hidden inside, how did she do it?

so confidentially, so many things Rhonda, they all remind me of you.

every single day in my life, and saying your name; god damn it is the hardest thing ive done since confronting your death. we were best friends, roll dogs, i try to relate to so many  people now, but they dont understand, they dont get it the way you would, we could not talk for years and pick up right where we left off, but its not like that with other people, and it never will be, and i swear theyll all look at me like im crazy but i know im not im just alone,and i cant take it anymore somethings gotta give. i feel like once i confide in someone they always let me down or something or someone takes them from me, ive never been so good with sharing something i consider to be my own, and i dont think that will ever change, i just wish for you to send me a sign one day, maybe to tell me the things i already know, and i hope i seriously hope im not crazy. i miss you. 

this picture was the last day i saw you. you'll never know how much you meant to me.

just another girl.

just another day, so routine.
she keeps her fingers crossed.
waking with hopes just to get through it.
yesterday was hard, but today will be harder.
but in end.. its just another day.

just another smile that she pastes on her face.
who is she fooling?
he can see right through her
shes so easy to read
theres no more mystery behind her eyes.
so its just another day, just another pasted smile.

just another phone call.
she can't see him, she cant smell him.
he's so out of reach, but she waits for the phone to ring.
she wishes she could be near him.
she wants to be with him
but its just another day with that pasted smile.
its just another phone call.

just another friend.
someone to vent to
who asks for more than they can give her.
who has done nothing for her.
who probably never listened to her anyway.
so their just another friend, & its just another day
as she wears her pasted smile.

this pasted smile only lasts so long.
as the day turns into just another week.
maybe a month?
her smile will fade.
the calls will be shorter.
these friends come and go.
she can't hide anymore.
behind the makeup & smiles.

just another day.
but shes more than just a pretty face.
shes just another girl trying to fool the world.