MIC

spread the word like lotion on my skin,
vulnerable, and through my pores i suck you in.
trapped in the crease between your brows..
so sing to me the song i dread to hear..
your love is music to my ears.
producer of my fears,and these happy tears.
so play along the strings im wrapped up in..
and hit my heart to the beat of the drum..
you said i was your only one.

you tell me to sing along, but im not familiar with this song.
theres only three words for lyrics on this page
but your singing off of the beat anyway..
so we'll harmonize and try to find middle ground..
can you hear me now?
i'd rather sing by myself
ochopella.

puff,puff, and hit this high note with me
rooms spinning and your all i see.
playing the piano to "killing me softly"
whispers, so loud i can't hear myself think.

wheres the MIC when i have something to say?
I'll be your MC,remind you we're doing okay..
crowd pleaser but i'll always come back for you..
you know you're the only one i can talk to.
adjust you to my height, before we hit the stage..
im trying to convince myself not to bitch out.

"palms are sweaty" you make my knees weak
and i keep forgetting we've been here before.
so you grab the headphones and produce this track
i'll be behind the curtain waiting to see if you actually come back.

applaud.

findme;there.

my mind runs from me,down this road.
following exit signs, leading me home.
"shore points"
almost there..
im hoping you'll find me here.

Lost in memory, searching for truth.
&in the end all the signs lead to you.
On my knees i pray but his silence wounds my ears.
ink on the back of my neck convinces me to face my fears.
"fearless."

but i do fear you,
scared of what happens after what we been through.
calm down now, fly while the sky comes crashing.
but if not now, when will it happen.
this CD skips with the beats missing from my heart
if i dont try now, when will i start.
if you want something,sometimes you gotta let them go..
but who ever said i'd feel this alone.

Beethoven once wrote, love letters to his immortal lover
&behind the wheel, i pretend im undercover.
i can feel you now, moving, you're spreading those wings
they're big, strong.. fly.


it happens so quickly, you can taste the residue.
seeing your soft lips spread to a smile.
the touch of your hand on mine.
our foreheads pressed hard against on another..
open my eyes, find me here.


your words still wrapped around my neck,
hanging from a small silver chain.
"i'll love you forever"
but today forever is too far away.

she is her,her is me.

She sits in Indian style
her hair braided to the side..
bangs that fall perfectly over her raised brow.
a paint brush lost in knots behind her ear.
sunkissed cheeks, and a few freckles lay upon her nose.
the wind whispers secrets to her
she keeps them locked away
in the place no one will ever know
her mind wanders in circles
weighed down by the ancors
tied to the boat of her dreams
that slowly sails far from shore..
but today she will paint the ocean.

her feet sink in sand, hot sand.
her legs strong, her head low.
accepting the gifts the ocean leaves her
another wave, a different shell.
bubbles chase the tide around her toes
sun still beating against her back
like the heart in her chest
as she imagines herself,happy.
today she will be happy.

bright lights,loud music and chatter.
she feels free walking the restless streets,
but if only her body could keep up with her feet.
heels high, her mind is quite, but her heart has much to say.
tall building surround her with opportunities,
a pocket full of change, not one familiar face.
red lips, dark eyes lost somewhere so alive at night
and catches her reflection in a glass window..
tonight she is beautiful.

they point, they question her ability to fly
"she doesnt want flight."
"she must be scared of hieghts"
but what if she knows how to climb..
flying would only be a flap of the wings
but a challenge has always aroused her
nothing easy is fun, but pain is worth something
feeling is worth her worry, and her sombers through her dreams
held back by something little seems way to easy..
shes holding back because she's not yet ready
one step up and a thousand more to take
she'll be great
today she will escape.


potential, only is written across her face.
but still she has her secret locked away in some place..
a place no one knows, or cares to find
this place is her, is sacred, is mine.

no worries..

They're "concerned."

They're clearly, worried about my future,right?

I mean thats what they all say.

Apparently im "wasting" my potential

&it saddens them to see such talent in someone who doesn't use it.

Do i not deserve it?

Why am i not in school?

 Why can't i stay somewhere for longer than a month?

Why am i so unhappy?

why am i not using my "potential to my advantage?

How can i possibly use ANYTHING to my advantage when im not satisfied?

Would i actually be advancing with anything if i were to be an artist?

how about singing? let me sing to you..

"THIS IS MY LIFE, let me live it."

yeah i should probably stick to my day job..

wait day job? what is that?

because i'm only familiar with a grave shift..

for something i'm not sure i even want.

They all want it..

They tell me to keep going..

GO WHERE?

i am content RIGHT HERE..

i like to write, let me write for the rest of my life..

take the magic from my escape, 

crowd my paradise with compliments and unfriendly critics

I'll paint, thats it, ill just paint.

Put this color here, a color i cant erase..

but when im done this masterpeice, 

what will it really matter?

a couple dollars in my pocket

while someone else enjoys the view of my canvas on their wall?

no thankyou.

I will be want i want to be,

when i want to be..

let me find me.

it may take a while

but when i find her

i'll be sure to introduce you.

sincerly, your bitch.

lets play with my tainted heart.
we could always throw it back & forth..
why not?
as long as youre happy right?
oh lets just keep me trapped behind this locked door,forever.
just throw away that key
the one you already lost in septemeber.
of course, i dont mind.
you can come and go as you please.
&i'll be here waiting,
like your bitch
that youve made me.
like a feen & i cant stop itching.
irritating you eh?
oh you dont even know irritating.
lets just drag this along
only until you kill me
because thats completely fair.
you can keep these chaines around my ankles
to keep me from running.
and like a dog, i'll cry
and i bet you'll scream
"look what your doing to me!"
so feed me, only lies & broken promises
that you will ALWAYS keep.
oh you make me smile..
that "ear-to-ear" plastered on my face.
like a clown, they'll point and just laugh at me.
having fun yet?
i can wait.
bare with me here, exhale your toxic air
and ill suck it right in.
only until youre happy again.
anything for you, my love.

dial.

i hate that bitch that tells me you cant answer the phone.
my heart breaks everytime i hear the tone.
&i will never leave a message.
i refuse.
you should already know what i expect of you.
answer me please, im losing myself.
all i want is someone to talk to.
im not calling to nag, to bitch, or catch you
i thought you were my best friend.
the one who knows me best?
than you should know the burn that sizzles in my chest.
the sting, everytime i pick out these weapons,
that i want to hurt.
i feel numb, and i need you.
and after all weve been through
you would think youd be first to know that.
when we talk now its quick
youre busy with your life, and im here begging for your time.
how pathetic.
how sad, im lonely, because you used spend all your time with me.
i was number one, the highest priority.
now please tell me what i am?
im sitting here lost in a memory
drowning myself in my misery, alone.
because everytime i call you cant answer the phone.
and i replay in my head, that obnoxious dial tone.
ring,ring, im sorry but the person you are trying to reach
no longer has time to DEAL with you.
press one to leave a numeric page,
otherwise leave a message that he'll never listen to.
i REFUSE.
where are you my love?
when i really need you?
ah, if you only knew.


....click.

nothing but everything.

I will never be perfect, & i may not have the most acceptable flaws.
I have been unfaithful, & i' know i've let you down.
I can never take back my mistakes & trust me there are many.
I know how much i've hurt you & if i were you, i'd hate me.

I wish i could explain the thoughts that come to mind when seeing you smile.
with tears running down my face, and my heart shattered
you have a way of making me so happy.
we're breaking, we're trying,
we're making sweet love.
& you sweep me away, just like that.

I've lied, I've told you things i've never believed myself.
I've given you excuses to simple tasks i could never complete.
I've taken you for granted, & treated you like shit.
It's crazy, because your still here
If i were you, this would be it..

I know it hurts, to think of all ive done.
thinking back to the first time we held hands
people stared & i remember being nervous
my plam was sweaty, but you held tight
& you smiled, you never let go.
dont go.

I can tell i've torn you apart.
I can tell i pushed you away.
&i've brought most of this on myself.
what he did was NEVER your fault.
but i treated you for his mistakes.
and i truly am so sorry for doing so.
look where its gotten me..


I've never been good at trusting a man with my heart.
I've never been good at trusting myself.
i may not be good for nothing.
i may have fucked up, so badly
to the point that if i were you, i'd leave me.
i may have done only one thing right
falling in love with you.

There may be other woman who can move a way i can't.
maybe theres a "she" who would never lie.
maybe her truth would never fail you, she wouldnt eat away at you inside.
she might be beautiful, flawless in fact.
she may have every trait i've yearned for.
hey maybe she'll keep that side of you, i smothered
& you'll finally break free of me.
she'll smile & the room will light up
She'll carry herself with high standards
She can do anything in the world
im nothing compared to her.

I've disrespected us all.
you, me, that girl i was supossed to be.
i've said words to you, i wish never existed.
i've thrown myself into this cluster of characteristics.
who is this?
i know you thought i'd be that one who was "different"
how different?
this different?
&for that i've failed you once more.
i've blamed you, because im ashamed of myself.
i've taught myself how to live a lie.
to lead you on, but break you inside.

that girl would never do that to you..
&you'll find her  ;i promise.
maybe she'll sweep you right off your feet.
maybe you'll be breathless after one kiss.
out of control, your emotions ya know..
she'll put me to shame.
 but somewhere underneath of it all,
i've found the light.
i'm done with the back &forth
the wrong &"whos right?"
remember i used to be that girl..
&i forgot her for a while.
somewhere in the mix,
theres a good reason
for another chance..
because that girl maybe be everything i am not..
but she could never
love you
like me.