I will never be perfect, & i may not have the most acceptable flaws.
I have been unfaithful, & i' know i've let you down.
I can never take back my mistakes & trust me there are many.
I know how much i've hurt you & if i were you, i'd hate me.
I wish i could explain the thoughts that come to mind when seeing you smile.
with tears running down my face, and my heart shattered
you have a way of making me so happy.
we're breaking, we're trying,
we're making sweet love.
& you sweep me away, just like that.
I've lied, I've told you things i've never believed myself.
I've given you excuses to simple tasks i could never complete.
I've taken you for granted, & treated you like shit.
It's crazy, because your still here
If i were you, this would be it..
I know it hurts, to think of all ive done.
thinking back to the first time we held hands
people stared & i remember being nervous
my plam was sweaty, but you held tight
& you smiled, you never let go.
dont go.
I can tell i've torn you apart.
I can tell i pushed you away.
&i've brought most of this on myself.
what he did was NEVER your fault.
but i treated you for his mistakes.
and i truly am so sorry for doing so.
look where its gotten me..
I've never been good at trusting a man with my heart.
I've never been good at trusting myself.
i may not be good for nothing.
i may have fucked up, so badly
to the point that if i were you, i'd leave me.
i may have done only one thing right
falling in love with you.
There may be other woman who can move a way i can't.
maybe theres a "she" who would never lie.
maybe her truth would never fail you, she wouldnt eat away at you inside.
she might be beautiful, flawless in fact.
she may have every trait i've yearned for.
hey maybe she'll keep that side of you, i smothered
& you'll finally break free of me.
she'll smile & the room will light up
She'll carry herself with high standards
She can do anything in the world
im nothing compared to her.
I've disrespected us all.
you, me, that girl i was supossed to be.
i've said words to you, i wish never existed.
i've thrown myself into this cluster of characteristics.
who is this?
i know you thought i'd be that one who was "different"
how different?
this different?
&for that i've failed you once more.
i've blamed you, because im ashamed of myself.
i've taught myself how to live a lie.
to lead you on, but break you inside.
that girl would never do that to you..
&you'll find her ;i promise.
maybe she'll sweep you right off your feet.
maybe you'll be breathless after one kiss.
out of control, your emotions ya know..
she'll put me to shame.
but somewhere underneath of it all,
i've found the light.
i'm done with the back &forth
the wrong &"whos right?"
remember i used to be that girl..
&i forgot her for a while.
somewhere in the mix,
theres a good reason
for another chance..
because that girl maybe be everything i am not..
but she could never
love you
like me.
