ambitiouslove.

there are not many words to use for a description of this flame that burns within my chest
only tears.
happy and sad.
but from this i will grow strong, my heart will beat hard and i will conquer each goal ive stored in me.
Noone recognizes this me, the one who has finally spoken to herself.
the one that finds her flaws and believes they make her beautiful.
the girl who has suddenly intimidated each girl in this room because she carries herself like the women they wish they could be.
the woman that she is growing to be.
remember when you fell in love with her potential?
how you were so charmed by her ambition?
the way your stomach felt after making love to each intelectual thought within her brain..?
i do.
she remembers you told her to follow her dreams, and she has.
she's fell in love, with you, with herself, with the idea of love she has fallen in love with life
and the opportunities she has crossed she has fallen in love,finally.
really in love.
she speaks of ideas, the ones trapped in her mind, the ideas she wishes to bring alive
and she loves them,the idea of them being shared.
she loves the fact that the you she still loves actually cares.
and she cares.
maybe too much but she doesn't fear to keep her love.
i love you, and this healing ive taught myself.
you have taught me many things, but have showed me its okay to be imperfectly me
beautiful me.
i am beautiful, i am an artist, i will paint these smiles permanent.
i can draw my eyes to shine brighter than all of new yorks city lights,but i will stick to the blueprints.
i can erase with my pencil each line out of place, but i would only be ruining an already flawless face.
i can shade around the hips and thighs, but until i close my eyes i see that i am quite alright with who it is that lies inside.
but the artist is a writer and she writes words around her pictures, she models for her love scripture
but she knows never to give up.
she uses useless words to add some flare, with a story that will leave you froze.
biological readings make you think there is a part of her you could actually know.
keep reading there is much you dont
i remember you fell in love with this ambitious girl,
but please always love ambitious me.

bluntness of love.

circle by circle like the rounds of life,
we'll catch up each day but stay up all night.
a universal emotion that now one person found,
some too ignorant to communicate with it.
few search high,seeking far beyond their reach
while a friend sits close waiting to speak.
"oh i'll pick up on this today, all the new turns i never took,
i'll pretent in front of him that im content with these looks."
while taking stage and feeling on the character we play
we are merely breaking knees in front of love itself.
while hes out i wont call i'll pull 'till he falls, atleast than i can show i'd catch him.
to reassure you want more beyond this point we have crossed would only beto ask for too much.
so we'll keep to ourselves because we're here everyday and you're thinking the same thought in my brain..
untill only then i'll give in like i always do because im more insecure your feelings have changed.
but if i switch up my style and forget to give in first this time..
will your insecurities speak as loud as your actions and make you ask about mine?
in the begining we both feel the feelings that exist because theyre a new emotion added to our queue
you dont need to wait for me to call and i didnt run in circles around you..
once we get settled we become imune,start to adopt and eventually it loses strength
we expect it there,and the amounts desired increase, always more divided by the length.
so where will we be in four years?
can we find a routine middleground to where as we both amount to what each expects from on another?

if you can keep a secret..?
i promise to only cry under covers.

patience.

i rest my eyes upon the faded pictures that hang on my wall
awaiting the moment i can finally feel your chest beneath my head.
the sun sets, as hours fade and minutes turn into days.
days into weeks, feeling the cold against my cheeks
the weather begins to change and i hope we're all the same
all in all, i hope we stay this way.
i lay my head where the night brings me,upon this pillow i dream
i can't wait to see your face.
look how far we've come my love,
look at all the damage we've done, but look at who we have become.
i miss you, but a few hours soon i will be with you.
i force myself to sleep, you'll stay in my heart where i promised to keep you.
like the first day of highschool, planning outfits in my head
changing positions in my bed
fighting thoughts , no longer dreading the wake without you.
i miss you,but three hrs more and ill be with you.
i drive sound, behind this windsheild
zoning out passing these signs that i always love to see
reminding me of the crazy rides we drove to get here
look how long we've come my dear.
they all speak your name like poison to a drink
and while i sip the sweet nectar, i fiend for the reassurance
hoping we can find ourselves in each other.
drip after drip, our relations take a dip and we end up in the slums of sorrows
hold me tight, keep me close i dont want to wake tommorrow
i cut these minutes in half,pasting moments to dreams
and through a nightmare i pass ignoring your screams
i want you i need you i wish you could go..
but i know if i'm patient love will bring you home.

loves first bite.

she burns of artistic, arithmetic encounters,leaving scars bubbling with ease.
scabbing around the wound like feind. 
she finds time to embrace all she has lost,and some things she never tried for.
she already lost a few people she would die for
;but her hopes stay high with the drama druggies running the streets.
strayed, betrayed, straight through her heart he gave a bullet so strong it could stop her pulse, but she breaths on ignoring the pain and the time shes spent dwelling on his issues with the world.
captivating his soul, she swings from his rib cage on the rope she once held around her neck, and he keeps her here locked inside.
no one shall know her name, no one shall know of the secret affairs they do continue to lust over, and no one shall ever understand.
but here is where she wakes, where she wants to be.
arising from a night mare that has stolen her from dreams.
she finds a reason to hold on, because she knows they pull her legs as she dangles from the cliff of his esophagus.
they all want her here, they need her there
but he keeps her home.
this is home, in between the small hand and the big hand
somewhere before the clock strikes and the bed bugs bite..
she finds herself intertwined with the poisoness lover.
the immortal creature who will always have her heart.

the heart will warm her but,the sting of the pain will keep her.

we burn

lost in between seconds lost in your arms
no one can touch us, baby we've lied we've hurt
and together we'd burn.

set fire to me
melting in you

youd hold youd love me baby thats what you said
but here i am stranded once again.
weve been there the up the downs the back and forth
but i cant keep up anymore
i messed up, you fucked up and here we are now
but i dont know how long i can stick it out
you hurt me they hate you but i fought for your name
dont give a reason to fight again


lost in between seconds lost in your arms
no one can touch us, baby we've lied we've hurt
and together we'd burn.
set fire to me
my gasoline
ashes to ashes
dust to dust
what happened to you
what happened to us?

granted.

never thought I'd be here without you with me
but now i know i was wrong.
they say never take people for granted
the best relationships don't last too long.

can you hear me now?cause i know you still live on in my heart.
with the days we missed out on
i write down these thought to you
hoping you can see what Ive learned
pictures fade,and eventually i will too^
but to our lifeless moments i hold on
so hang on too..

the times only you and i can relive,in our minds.
forever stay by my side,i'll keep you alive
always be by my side.

we had our ups and i missed you when we were down
can you imagine how much i miss you now?
so long ago our pinkys promised
three years and im still here
lost in the loss of you.
shouldn't i feel okay by now?
they say i should move on..
but what if i dont want to move?
so ill close me eyes and see you with me
to escape reality and try to
hang ontoo..

the times only you and i can relive,in our minds.
forever stay by my side,i'll keep you alive

always be by my side.

my dear friend i know you can see me up there
and i wish i could see your smile
but i keep you right here with me
the sound of you laugh sets me free
and i watch as the sun melts into the horizon
and i smile back at you.
it was always us two
keep the secret of me locked away in these dreams
awake me when were back those days..
id take back everything either way
because i know id have you here with me
back to those times..

a-void.

relations with my hands tangled into shapes that round my character.
shadows lurking on every corner, awaiting the hourly thought of you.
lip stick stained in depth within the cracks of my lips, unkissed, untouched.
imperfect sign-language exchanged over casual conversations but your scent is left upon my skin.
clouds cover the illuminating moon,darkness falls over the fact that you're gone.
here without you i cry inside but let no one see im alone.
cleanse the void of your absence,free myself of being replaced.
it wouldn't be the first time.
this is how i live, hoping to see the next day, the sun torching the world, the trees unable to breath,
and me, still here.
watch as my feet take turns like the tables we have dealt over for two years
walking over broken bottles smashed to the curb ,
like my heart against the cage of ribs that no longer protects it.
irrelevance has a part in all, as i stand in stumblers avenenue, this was all supposed to happen
wasnt it?
you,me.. this horrid dream, but awake me from finding truth.
lies,slander, you always say..
but i never learn, i never learn.
poison seeps through my lips to kill our relationship, and why do i continue these lies?
you deserve a better me.
we deserve a better us.
im not with you,but i will always be with you
and this tie around my finger reminds me of things we've forgot.
untie the knot, replace it with a ring.
who would've known i'd ever mean these things.
im sorry, for the avoidance i tend to embrace.
seeking truth, living lies, its all part of the price
cologne clung to you that night
ocean waters washed away your pride, your lies.
walk with me, and the waves do the same
sand molds to the shape of my feet,sinking in the poison i speak
i love you, i have never hurt that word
but if a word could be hurt,it would cry alone in the dark
love is a painful thought.